I noticed that the biggest asshat @#$@#face of the entire hockey universe - Mike Milbury - is 'between the benches' on the NBC broadcast. Oh lawssssss, what a one in a million incredible opportunity for any player to blast a @#$@ puck right at his fucking fat belligerent 'all-knowing' snout, to shut him the @#$#@$ up once and for all.
(Really, how is this quintessential idiot anywhere near a microphone, let alone on major programs like Hockey Night in Canada and NBC. Truly surreal)
My Top Ten Gambling Observations:
1)
Tailing “Svetlana99” on ‘guaranteed’ 150 to 1 Chernobyl-Bear vs
One-Armed-Legless Peasant-From-Minsk cage match (“ees absolutely 123%
best bet, comrade, I tell you dees – peasant very stronk like Siberian
winter turnip and bear ees way over hill – ees no bullsheet winninks
for shoore I am promise dees or I’m hopink my Grantmudder ees crush by
statue of giant Babooshka) is probably NOT a great idea
2) Selling your children’s extensive collection of rare
Barney the Dinosaur/Baby Bop paraphernalia on E-bay for a $5 extra
credit on your sportsbook account, in order to place a last minute
wager on a Nude-Norwegian Ice-Fishing teaser indicates you MIGHT just
have a gambling problem.
3)
Any Covers avatar featuring: 1) a gigantus vagina tastefully veiled by
a frilly and aesthetically patterned doily/merkin or the like, or 2)
massive boobage poking out from behind a fru-fru-esque translucent
tupe-top bearing the phrase “I *heart * porn”, “Touch My Monkey”,
“Boinks-R-Us” etc, provides instant capping credibility
4)
Having recurring dreams that your son/daughter/wife has turned into
“Seabiscuit” or become the reincarnation of the 1972 Miami Dolphins
should be of at least some concern.
5)
Betting the Under on when you will approach your girlfriend to suggest
a threesome with her super hot twin gymnast/contortionist/kegel-master
sister is likely an excellent, and most logical, play.
6)
Touching wood (no, not that perverts), crossing your head(s),
sacrificing chickens, stuffing your cod-piece with horseshoes and four
leaf clovers, molesting lucky troll dolls, or wearing the same
Sponge-Bob-Square-Pants novelty underwear for 23 days since your win
streak began, are indications you are perhaps somewhat superstitious.
7)
Setting up yet another sportsbook account - this time with Jethro’s
Sportsbook ‘N’ Hog-Fat/Roadkill Renderin’ Plant – which you heard about
on a Zucchini/Phallic Vegetable Fetish site forum board, and
immediately making a non-refundable 100k deposit, most likely falls in
the category of major ‘do-over’.
8)
Figuring out how to tell your wife you lost her liver transplant funds
(again) on a “Tom Cruise finally comes out of the closet and has
love-child with Clay Aiken” prop, probably not going to be that easy.
9)
Thread topics with the words “Guaranteed”, “Double Guaranteed” “Triple
Dog-with-Super-Lucky-Ticks Guaranteed”, “Lock of the Millennium”, “450%
Can’t-Miss-Or-I’ll-Poke-My-Eyes-Out-With-A-Nerf-Spatula” and the
picks/leans listed therein are absolute no brainers and almost as good
as buying used internal organs over the internet. Simply put, the
safest way to invest your retirement funds and even bet your future (or
current) children on.
10)
Knowing your bookie’s dirty secrets a good thing. Having photos of your
bookie getting “R Kelly”-ish on the local game farm’s beloved yak
‘Pepito’ PRICELESS.
Wow, not since R Kelly did his 'thing' have we witnessed such abuse of P ....... *insert lame joke icon* here, yes.
Well, it's once again late Saturday/early Sunday here on the Left Coast (and Thursday in Japan, just for your reference) and since I'm still up (no, no nasty Viagra side-effect connatations, you perverted bastids) I thought I'd put forth a few thoughts on tomorrow's/today's puck action.
For a quick update (I know your life absolutely depends on it ;) ), it wasn't a bad night for Mr Modough, as I went 4-1 (the lone loss being courtesy of the Sens, who once again @#%@#$@# let me down - reminds me of some of my previous girlfriends who simply refused to dress up as Baby-Bop in lingerie but I digress... - Leclaire was beaten like a rented mule in the shootout unfortunately but the crux of the matter is that it shouldn't have even gotten that far. I mean, Sens at home against their fugly rival, having lost the last two to essentially cellar dwellers and yet they boink the pooch yet again. Ok, I realize there was a case of the flue going around but that's just not good enough, folks. Ok, I'm bitter, sue me. Wait, don't sue me, sue Mike Fisher for being in a love-dovey UnderWOOD-ian coma-daze). This brings my YTD totals to 17-7. Having said that, whatever gains I made last night were for the most part negated after my shoddy NCAAB/NBA picks (good grief, why do I bet on sports which I'm not exactly an intellectual colossus on? what next? Modough betting on Malaysian Transsexual Thumb-Wrestling? Over/Under on Jamaican doob-age-smoking contests? predicting winners of the 10th Annual Mime-Clown-Porn Awards? Uggg.....someone please help me with NCAAB and NBA and I will gladly pay you Tuesday for the proverbial hamburger today)
Allrightie then, onto the early leans/picks for today:
Pittsburgh (Boston) - Pens are looking good and my Bruins are, well, not so much. Unless Timmy (Timm-ay! Livin' a live, Livin' a lie!) stands on his noggin' it's unfortunately not going to be a very fun day for the B's. I think parlaying the Pens with another quality match-up might be the way to go.
Philladelphia (Toronto) - ok, so the Leaflets can win against Ottawa, that's not exactly something to write home to Grandma Quasimodough about (especiallly given I already wrote and asked her for a pay-day loan to fuel my aqua-velva-shooter addiction). I think Philly is good to go here and TO goes back to their losing ways.
Some sleepers:
Minnesota (Calgary) - Minnie are great at home and are also coming off an ugly loss to the Oil. Although Calgary looked good against Joisey, I don't think they will match their scoring output against the Wild, nor put a dent in the Wild's great home record.
Vancouver (Nashville) - Yes, we all know Nashville seems to have the Canuckleheads number but I just have a feeling Vancouver is due for a big game against said Preds. Also, Shea Weber is out with an injury apparently so they won't have to deal with his minute-munching blue-line presence. Again, definitely a sleeper pick.
Ok, time to get a few zzz's and will probably pop in later this morning/early afternoon.
In any event BOL to all and have a great Sunday
Good evening/afternoon/morning everyone (yes, still up on the West Coast - apparently unlucky at gambling = unlikely at love tonight. Thankfully for the latex 'companion', yes, but if anyone happens to know of any quality/single contortionist Japanese schoolgirl outfitted nymphomaniacs up here please let me know forthwith :) )
So, as mentioned, not the greatest of nights unfortunately. Went 1-2 (@#!@#% Minnesota, may radioactive Chernobyl gophers inhabit your private areas and chow down on said jewels until Arbour Day. Also picked the Canuckleheads puckline and what a disaster that was - a lucky goal and then a debatable goalie interference non-call and it's game #@@#$ over! Lou, you didn't eat your Wheaties..or grits/hamhocks or whatever the hell you eat before games. Although congrats to the Hawks and anyone who bet on them, they certainly played well) making the YTD 13-6.
But onwards and forwards and upwards....
Here are a few early leans for today:
San Jose (Columbus) - Jose pulled out a nice one against the Habs the other night (Carey Price has a pointy head from standing on it for the entire evening, by the way, and I think the score flattered said Habs in the end, or any other body part for that matter) and I think they are going to roll.
Les Penguinos (Stars) - sooner or later Fleury has to get his mojo back and I'll take the former. Not to mention it doesn't look like Sid the Kid is having much of a hangover from the Olympics, including Gonchskin, Malkinoski and the rest of the Pitt gang. I believe Poni will be in the line up as well (Visa issues - ya, who doesn't have those. @#$@# Visa and their devil's plastic!).
Washington (Rags) - tough to go against the Caps these days - or any days, even though the Rags have been playing much better. Just too much firepower from Ovie and the gang. Probably a good choice for a parlay with Jose or any of the other quality match-ups.
Sleeper Pick:
St Louis (Colorado) - Blues have been playing some fine hockey (I'm Canadian but, man, would I love to have this Oshie kid playing for Team Canada in the future!) and Colorado has been on a bit of a slide. Again, this is more of a sleeper pick if you're feeling lucky go for it. Well, are you? are you feeling lucky, punk? ;)
Ok, more later. Time to watch the lingerie channel and try and get a few zzz's prior to the fun and games later.
BOL and have a great Saturday