My mom's not a prostitute, but my dad's a pimp

Stories like these remind me to not to jump to conclusions.

Earlier this week, news began circulating that Miami GM Jeff Ireland asked Dez Bryant if his mother was a prostitute in a pre-draft interview.

Outrage! What was Ireland thinking?


Dez Bryant pimp slaps this Mizzou defender

Now, a few days later the story begins to unfold more. According to Dan LeBatard, ESPN personality and radio talk show host, the Dolphins say Ireland and Bryant’s conversation went something like this.

Ireland: What does dad do?
Bryant: Pimp.
Ireland: Mom?
Bryant: Works for dad.
Ireland: She’s a prostitute?
Bryant: No she helps him with other stuff.

ESPN analyst Marcellus Wiley was also tweeting about the story, suggesting that the
NFL folks are trying to protect Bryant and keeping the story low key.

Great pick, Dallas!
... [More]

Best primetime cartoons

1. The Simpsons

In the late 1990s, this show absolutely nailed it. The quick-wit writing produced a sarcastic tone that poked my brain. I love the characters: Special Ralph Wiggum, smooth Moe Szyslak and Mr. Burns, whose response to being told by his gay assistant that he was the one flying a crashing plane was “Excellent.” My favorite episode is when Homer gets a helper monkey. (“Help, Mojo.)





2.South Park

It’s equally as well-written as the Simpsons, but a little too much on the raunchy side for my taste. I’ve never been a big fan of the “shock-jock” mentality of expressing something controversial for the sole purpose of getting a reaction.  I am a fan of the show’s ability to produce timely, reflective episodes. I never got into South Park that much, but do realize there is a large legion of diehard fans. Even as watching it as little as I do, it’s easy to realize it’s solid, funny and creative.



3. Beavis and Butthead

I think there's a big game between No. 2 and No. 3. But somehow two little turds going “Uh” while sitting on their couch watching MTV worked. I’m still not quite sure why, but it did. I’d love to hear everyone’s opinion why “Beavis and Butthead” became so popular.



4. King of the Hill

You have to be pretty talented to write two such contrasting shows like Mike Judge did with “King of the Hill” and “Beavis and Butthead.” It’s almost like he felt bad for giving us Corn... [More]

Sometimes religion really pisses me off

“Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind.” – Albert Einstein.

I’m agnostic with Christian-based morals. In other words, I don’t have a clue about the meaning of life or how we got here and believe trying to figure it out is a waste of time.

That’s why religious extremism really pisses me off. I just don’t understand how someone can believe that the best use of their time is to cleanse the world of infidels in order to earn rewards further down the road. Haven’t they ever heard about taking it one game at a time?

For example, this week revolutionmuslim.com ran a post from some dude named Aubu Talhah Al-Amrikee, warning the creators of South Park for depicting the Prophet Muhammad in a bear costume. Al-Amrikee said the episode “outright insulted the prophet.”

Seriously? It’s a freaking bear costume. Get over it.

Al-Amrikee added in the post, “We have to warn Matt [Stone] and Trey [Parker] that what they are doing is stupid, and they will probably wind up like Theo van Gogh for airing this show. This is not a threat, but a warning of the reality of what will likely happen to them.”

Mr. van Gogh was a Dutch filmmaker who was critical of Islam for its treatment of women. He was shot and stabbed to death by a radical Muslim. A graphic picture of van Gogh lying on the ground with a knife sticking out of him was included in the post. The addresses of Comedy Central’s New York office and Parker and Stone’s Cali... [More]

Is the NHL more physical than the NFL?

I’ve been having this argument with a buddy of mine for years – Is the NFL a more physical sport than the NHL?

Being a lifelong southerner, I’ll be the first to admit that my hockey knowledge is lacking. I’ve never laced up the skates and probably won’t ever. But that doesn’t mean I can’t see with my own two eyes that the NFL is way more violent.

The players are bigger and more athletic, and they hit each other on every play, not just every once in a while like hockey.

My friend thinks I’m an idiot, a popular belief among others. His argument is centered on the speed at which the hockey collisions happen. Guys on skates can build up a lot of momentum, he says.

No argument there, but, in my opinion, because there is little-to-no traction holding those guys down, the impact may look violent, but the actual force of a hit in hockey is less in comparison to a hit on a football player that has his cleats planted on the turf.

I ain’t no rocket scientist, but it seems to make sense in my noggin. But my buddy, a die-hard Buffalo fan, adamantly disagrees.

Who’s right? Who’s wrong? Remember, he roots for the Bills.

Phil Jackson strikes again

A few weeks ago I shared my belief that Tom Izzo could out-coach Phil Jackson. When it comes to actual X’s and O’s, I still believe that.

But, when it comes to psychological warfare, there is no better than the Zen Master.



It doesn’t hurt that $35,000 is pocket change to Jackson. The Lakers coach was fined $35K for publicly pointing out Kevin Durant’s ability to get to the foul line.

Durant is tied with LeBron James atop the NBA with 10.2 free-throw attempts per game.

“As far as the calls that he gets on the floor, I think a lot of the referees are treating him like a superstar; he gets to the line easy and often," Jackson told reporters earlier in the week.



I believe Jackson’s tactics have very little effect on the referees, but they certainly got to Durant, who seems very sensitive about the subject.

After Durant’s Thunder beat Boston earlier in the season, Kevin Garnett told reporters that the calls Durant received made it seem like he was “Michael [bleeping] Jordan.”

On Thursday, Durant responded to Jackson’s ploy. “That’s part of my game, getting to the free throw line and being aggressive. If you say that I get superstar calls or I get babied by the refs … that’s just taking away from how I play. That’s disrespectful to me,” Durant said on Mike and Mike in the Morning.

And just like that, Durant’s focus has been cluttered.

It’s not the first time someone has bitched about Durant getti... [More]

Do you play futures?

I’m wondering how many of us regularly bet futures and with what success.

I swapped emails with a couple pros over the weekend—Covers Experts David Malinksy and Marc Lawrence—to discuss how often made future bets. Both said they rarely touch them but for two different reasons.

Lawrence said he avoids futures because he doesn’t want them to affect his day-to-day handicapping. Malinksy said the house rake is a little too much to risk on future bets.

The only futures I play are college football season win totals. And I do it for the exact reason Lawrence doesn’t. In the preseason, I find I’m more in tune with teams and, more importantly, the public’s perception of them. This, in my opinion, is when I want to form my own opinion of a team and stick with it throughout the season. This helps me prevent second-guessing. When that starts happening is when I really start to struggle.

To avoid such a thing, I look to form perceptions of teams when I know the most about them. For example, I look for teams that have had miserable offseasons, filled with public stories of off-the-field troubles and crippling injuries. I want to bet on those teams, because I feel oddsmakers have no choice but inflate lines against these teams to start the season. Oregon is a prime example this year.

Anyway, as mentioned, I’m looking to hear from you guys who do play futures on a regular basis. Do you find that those wagers do end up swaying your opinion of teams down th... [More]

My baseball cards aren't worth crap

So much for retiring early.

I’ve got a whole toy chest full of baseball and football cards, mostly from the mid- to late 80s, stashed at my parents’ house. I’ve got complete sets of Donruss, Fleer, Score, Upper Deck and, of course, Topps.  Those sets feature Jose Canseco, Mark McGwire, Barry Bonds, Greg Maddux and Sammy Sosa rookie cards.


Other highlights of my collection include: A 1989 Score Barry Sanders rookie card that wiki.answers.com says is valued at $40. (No way, I could get $40 for that); a banged-up ’75 Nolan Ryan, and a whole sheet of Mark Grace cards.

I have vaunted rated rookies like Rueben Sierra and Greg Vaughn and future stars like B.J. Surhoff.

At the time, I thought I was sitting on a gold mine. Now, I’m sitting on a big box of crap. Thanks a lot, steroids.

Eventually, I guess I’ll throw it on Ebay and see if I can get a couple hundred bucks for the whole thing. But that seems like more effort than it’s worth.  Any suggestions?

Dear Tiger Woods mistresses,

Please just shut-up.

You are an embarrassment to women.

I don’t feel sorry for you when you claim your feelings were hurt. Your feelings, emotions and sexuality are for sale. You are a business.

What Tiger did—and with what class of women—is sick. He ruined his wife’s life for the foreseeable future. His kids are in store for ruthless childhood teasing, not to mention paparazzi harassment. At what age do you tell them? It makes me queasy just thinking about it.



But, while Tiger is ultimately at fault, when will the mistresses take some responsibility for themselves? Are they seriously OK with living their lives with absolutely no pride or dignity?

Several have claimed to feel bad for Tiger’s wife, only to humiliate her more by revealing more details and questioning his sincerity.

On Monday, the day of Tiger’s Masters’ press conference, Joslyn James popped off for the press.



“He is not truthful, he is not honest,” James pouted. “He should be focusing this time right now –instead of returning to golf so quickly – on his family, his loves ones that he says he loves so dearly and repairing the relationship with them and the others that he hurt throughout his life.”

That’s high-and-mighty relationship advice from a porn actress. She even went high-brown and called Tiger, “a big, ... [More]

Could Izzo out-coach Phil Jackson?

And is the Michigan State frontman a better coach than Duke’s Mike Krzyzewski?

Yes and maybe are my answers.

First off, I believe Coack K and Izzo are both better pure basketball coaches than Jackson. The fact of the matter is Jackson has always had the best player in the league in Jordan, Shaq and Kobe. His 10 rings suggest he has gotten the most out of that talent, even though I still don’t understand the Finals loss to the Pistons in 2004.

But in no way do I believe Jackson could match Izzo or Krzyzewski in X’s and O’s or talent evaluation.



College basketball is such a purer form of the game. Teams actually switch defenses multiple times during a game. Name a team in the NBA that’s known for its harassing zone. Name a team in the NBA that has the ability to take their opponent’s best player out of the game. Name an NBA team that has could overcome the loss of a starting point guard and still manage to reach the semifinals.

When’s the last time you saw the Lakers get an easy basket off an inbounds pass? How often do the Lakers catch an opponent off guard by going to a half-court trap?

That stuff doesn’t happen in the NBA. The players are too big, too quick and can simply overcome the fundamentals of the game with athletic ability. How good of a coach do you really need to be to call an isolation play for Kobe?



Evaluating talent is also a lot easier in the NBA than in college. In the NBA, you may have a poo... [More]