Touchdown Jesus and the Catholic Conundrum

Although I rarely attend mass these days, I was baptized and educated under the Catholic religion.

Should I feel guilty for 1) always hating the Notre Dame Fighting(?) Irish, and 2) rejoicing in tonight's Trojan slaughter?

Turkey and Touchdowns: Cold Turkey Classic

For dinner -- or a midnight snack -- nearly nothing beats a cold turkey sandwich on white bread with Miracle Whip (or mayonnaise).  Add salt, pepper, and other goodies for a perfect send off to dreamland.

Behold my evening selections:

Tennessee -4

Oklahoma State +10 (*I bought 1/2 a point.)

Oregon +140

Four-Team Teaser
Vols Over 32
Oklahoma State Under 64.5
USC Over 43.5
USC -26

Have a prosperous evening, everyone!

Turkey and Touchdowns: Turkey Manhattan Edition

For a late post-Thanksgiving lunch try Turkey Manhattan: 1-2 slices of bread covered with turkey and then smothered in mash potatoes and gravy.

Here are my mid-day college football plays.  *Please excuse the lack of proper write up/analysis, but this is a marathon affair.

Boston College -6.5

Texas Tech -23

Auburn@Alabama Under 41

Four-Team Teaser
Florida State +23
Alabama -9
Tulsa -10
North Carolina -2

Rock and roll, brothers and sisters!

Turkey and Touchdowns: Omelet Edition

I've never tried a turkey omelet, but I'm certain it would be 1000 times more tasty than mush or grits.

Here are my college football selections from the early games:

Missouri -16

The Tigers are quietly devouring opponents, while the Jayhawks, losers of four of their last five games, are grounded like...well, turkeys.  Over the last four losses, Kansas has allowed opponents to score an average of 47 points. 

Cincinnati -20.5 (*I purchased one point.)

The Bearcats are not the Falling Irish.  And they are especially feisty at home, where they average 30 points per game and have held three of five opponents to 10 points or less.  Also, Cincinnati's D-line should be able to harass Syracuse QB Cam Dantley.

Georgia Tech +7.5

The Yellow Jackets triple-option offense buzz killed the Miami Hurricane defense for 472 rushing yards last week.  Georgia has had two weeks to prepare for this game and are playing at home, but I still love the sting of the Yellow Jackets to cover the point spread.

Good luck today, everyone!  

Green Friday

Black Friday, my buttocks!  The women can have their shopping malls and department stores.  The kids can fill the cinema to watch a vampire love story where nothing much happens until the end.  Me, I'm kicking back at mi casa for some raging wagering!

Ohio Bobcats -2

Pittsburgh Panthers +135

Three-Team NCAA Football Teaser:
LSU@Arkansas Over 47
Buffalo Bulls -4
Central Michigan -4.5

Islanders@Bruins Over 5.5

Tennessee Volunteers -2 (-130) (*I bought one point.)

Let the games begin!

The Joe Buck Indigestion Thread

Not even one quarter into the game, and Joe Buck's condescending Cowboy nature has given me indigestion.

Hey Joe, your warm cup of _____t the _____ck up is ready!

Before The Tryptophan Takes Hold...

...I must state my mid day picks.

Cowboys -12

While it's true that the most points the Seahags have lost by over the last three games is six (Arizona at home), the last two meetings against NFC East foes (Eagles and New York Giants) resulted in losses by 19 and 38 points.  Plus I can't imagine a greater scenario to avenge the embarrassing playoff loss to Seattle.

Seahawks@Cowboys Over 46.5

Although the opening total line of 48 has dropped by two points nearly everywhere, I'm sticking with the over.  The Cowboys defense, while seemingly inspired by the return of QB Tony Romo, has not shut out an opponent all season long.  In fact, as seen in last week's 49ers game, the squad often allows opponents to get back in the game in the second half.

Bonus NCAA Basketball Play

Wake Forest -13

Even if Wake trails by five points at the half, they cover the lucky thirteen points.  Wake is a second half machine!

Good luck this afternoon, everyone!

Thank you Covers!  Thanks Covers bloggers!  Now let's gobble up the books today!

...With The Memphis Blues Again

First Half: Memphis -13.5

First Half: Over 77.5

Memphis -24 (entire game)

Teaser: Memphis -20 and Over 157.5

*First half plays are two units, while the game and teaser are three unit plays.

Good luck, everyone!

Laughing at the Game

Like most Covers readers and contributors, I'm not only a sports fan, I'm an avid sports bettor.  This reality can often make watching televised sports as dramatic and nerve racking as the final hour before your first child's birth.

Whether you double your bankroll or lose serious dollars, it is important to honestly enjoy the sporting event.  And sometimes, beyond the drama and tragedy of sports, we find moments of laughter.

Ball State 31 Central Michigan 24 (late 4th quarter)

On 2nd down, Central Michigan QB Dan LeFevour hurls a deep ball that is scooped up off the ground and intercepted by a Ball State defender.  Hundreds of Chippewa faithful quickly make for the exits. 

However, the referees review the interception and discover that the ball actually hit the ground.  The zebra announces this over the stadium loudspeaker...and moments later the ESPN cameras show hordes of Central Michigan fans rushing back to their seats.

Only a few plays later, Chippewa QB Dan LeFevour throws deep once again.  Once more the pass is intercepted.  This time, the ball was intercepted cleanly.

Irony wins big.  ESPN lends a few close up shots of shocked Central Michigan fans.  It is the same look they give when told the keg is empty at a house party. 

Yet imagine the anger and sorrow of those who busted their rumps to return to their seats.  I know that perhaps I am being insensitive, esp... [More]

A Message From Jerry Jones

(Bob Costas completes yet another Emmy winning monologue, and then the Football Night In America bumper plays for about ten seconds.  But then, instead of a commercial for the new Ford F-150 or Bud Light, Cowboys owner Jerry Jones appears, live from the center of the star at Texas stadium.)

Good evening, Cowboy fans. 

Tonight is the most important Cowboy game of the season.  You know it.  I know it.  The players, all who were branded with a hot iron in a teamwork exercise this week, they most certainly know it.

Because money has solved nearly every problem in my life, both personal and professional, I have little faith in the supernatural or superstitious.  However, I plead with each and every Cowboy fan to provide a collective Cowboy team spirit as bright and hot as the sun.  In other words, get your cheer on!  And if that spirit means that you have to wear a lucky Troy Aikman jersey stained with buffalo wing sauce and nacho cheese, go right ahead.  If that spirit means you must toss your toddler up in the air three times every time the Cowboys do something good, great.  (But please watch out for the ceiling.)  And if that spirit means you must consume mass quantities of alcohol, please do not drink and drive....And hide any and all objects within a thirty foot radius of the television -- except for the remote control and your significant other.  Breaking the remote control is a minor irrit... [More]

Bob's Book Bashing Boogie

Tonight's ticket is a tuneful treat from the greatest living songwriter in the known universe, Bob Dylan.  You see, unknown to most people, Bob is an avid sports fan...and regular gambler.  Unreachable for months while touring, recording, and making mischief, I finally got him to answer his cell phone:

Bob: Hey.

KS: Bob!  Bob!  It's KingSerf.

Bob: (Over very, very loud heavy metal music.) King who?  What country?

KS: Turn the music down, Bob!

Bob: (shouting) Down about what, man?  Just do like Jay-Z and "brush that dirt off your shoulder."  Do you copy, brother?

KS: The music, turn it down!!!

Bob: (The heavy metal music slowly fades as Bob locates the volume knob on the stereo and turns the music down until it is barely audible.)  That better?

KS: Perfect.

Bob: Sorry, but I love the new Metallica album.

KS: Understood.  Look, Bob, it's KingSerf.  I've been struggling lately.  Who you playing tonight?

Bob: I wish I was the meat between a Scarlett Johansson/Kim Kardashian sandwich.  But I'll probably wind up at the strip club later.

KS: No, Bob, your card, your ticket.  Sports betting.

Bob: (after a lengthy, hearty, heavily nasal laugh)  Oh, man, sorry Serf.  Let me make it up to you with an impromptu performance. 
(There is a gentle knocking sound as Bob puts the cell phone down.  He plucks at a few ... [More]

Sign, Sign, Everywhere A Sign

I live in a small Midwestern college town.  About 4-6 months ago I began to see various presidential election signs pop up in front yards.  Proud democrats and republicans gleefully adorned their lawns with these signs. 

It was like they were planting a new tree, or putting that garden gnome or bright bowling ball sized orb in the right place.  I thought about getting one to support my candidate, but, worried there might be a donation fee, I never followed through.  Plus, needs like electricity, food, and water seemed just a tad more important.

One week after the election, the majority of signs are gone

However, I am confused and amused by these people still displaying their presidential election signs. 

Perhaps it is easier to figure out the Obama supporters.  After all, their candidate won...and it was an historic victory.  Imagine the celebration across the nation if the Chicago Cubs ever win another World Series.  Millions of Cub fans will proudly hoist the "W" and other assorted flags for an eternity.

But why do I still see just as many McCain/Palin signs?  I understand that the denial stage is part of the death of a loved one, but John McCain and Sarah Palin are politicians.  Maybe these people have simply been too busy to remove the signs.  Or maybe they are all on early Christmas vacation.  Perhaps the idea is spite, a way of quietly thumbing their nose at the Obama s... [More]

Monday: Melrose, Miami, and Samurai Mike

Got a case of the Mondays?  Behold the diversity of sporting events this evening: Monday Night Football, NBA basketball, NHL hockey...and even a Duke basketball tournament where Coach K's kids get to knock the Jesus out of a school called Presbyterian.

Even without the full mullet, Barry Melrose simply rocks!  And although his Lightning team are only 5-4-4, the goaltending tandem of Mike Smith and Olaf Kolzig have only allowed two goals or less in eight of thirteen games.  Washington goalie Brent Johnson has been stable in net as well, with a 2.12 GAA in six games.  The Capitals may get the victory, but I like...

Lightning @ Capitals Under 5.5 (-115)

It's fantastic to see Dwyane Wade and the Miami Heat playing competitive basketball again.  Tonight the Nets visit Miami -- without Devin Harris.  It's a huge loss, as Harris is averaging 18.8 points per game and 4.8 assists.  The season is early, but thus far the Miami Heat have dominated opponents at home, beating the Sacramento Kings by 26 points and the Philadelphia 76ers by 23.

Miami Heat -8.5 (-110)

The national sports pundits believe that "Samurai" Mike Singletary, new coach of the 49ers and former, fiery Chicago Bear will play nice tonight.  Yeah, right.  I can't wait for the post game news conference, typically aired on ESPN News only minutes after the game.  As far as the football game, given the Cardinals penchant for high-scoring home... [More]

When Fanhood Turns Fatal

Hey college football fans, no, all sports fans, here is an Associated Press article that reminds you to always follow hip-hop rapper Ice Cube's credo, "Check yourself before you wreck yourself."

Authorities say an argument over Saturday’s Alabama-LSU football game led to the shooting deaths of a couple at a home in southern Alabama.

Prosecutors identified the victims as Dennis and Donna Smith of Brewton. The shooting happened about 7 p.m. Saturday at the home of Michael Williams in the rural community of Owassa.

Williams was arrested and charged with two counts of murder.

Dennis Smith, an LSU fan, called Williams, an Alabama fan, after the Crimson Tide's 27-21 overtime win and an argument ensued, investigators told the Press-Register newspaper in Mobile, Ala.

The Smiths went to Williams' home. Investigators said Smith had a pistol and Williams had a shotg... [More]

Captain Cooler's SNF Quick Picks

The ESPN Sunday Countdown crew unanimously selected the Pittsburgh Steelers over the Indianapolis Colts.  Sorry all you Bristol, Connecticut bad boys, but you were wrong as Big Ben's gift interception. 

And wouldn't you know that tonight every ESPN Sunday Countdown "expert" has chosen the New York Giants.  I'm not willing to predict a late Eli Manning interception, but I do like the...

Eagles -2.5 (bought 1/2 point) (-130)

At 5-3 this is a must win game for the Eagles.  The return of Brian Westbrook is huge, and Donovan McNabb is hungry for much more than Chunky soup commercials: "The thing that I kind of think about now...what would be special, if we make it to the Super Bowl and win, and I get a phone call from [President] Barack Obama.  That would be excellent" (ESPN, Sunday Countdown online).

And here is an SNF prop bet I couldn't resist...

Total Number Of Sacks Over 4.5 (-130)

Perhaps I am sick and twisted to hope and cheer for quarterback sacks, but, then again, who doesn't stare at a car accident...or even roadkill.  If these two defensive monsters fail to cash this bet, I'll take up knitting.

Rock and roll, brothers and sisters!

Attention FCC: The Most Vulgar Show On Television

Dear FCC,

Could you please work with Mr. Morality, a.k.a. NFL commissioner Roger Goodel, to create a ruling whereby NFL blowouts would be quickly shifted to televise a more competitive football game -- no matter what freaking region one lives in.

You guys thought the Janet Jackson Boobgate was vulgar?

How about being forced by region to watch a...


football game?

This football game is the most vile and vulgar TV program ever!  In fact, it is pure pixel pornography! 

So please, please, please act quickly.

Give me great, competitive football on Sunday...or give me death!

Captain Cooler's Quick Picks: NFL Early Games

Greetings, casino crazies!  Week ten of the NFL is only minutes away, so unlike all the prognosticators, pundits, and motormouth touts, I'd rather not blather.  Captain Cooler's Pathetic Record: 2-10  *Each play is three units.

Titans -3 (-110)

The Titan defense is tied for the league lead in interceptions (13), and it is a good bet that schizoid Bears quarterback Rex Grossman will throw at least one pick. 

Dolphins -8 (-110)

I don't adore the line (-8), but I wouldn't trust the Seahawks to do my laundry.

Saints @ Falcons Over 51

Drew Brees + Michael Turner + Matt Ryan = One Great Scorefest

Good luck, everyone!

The Birth Of Captain Cooler

Once a mild mannered sports bettor and frequent Covers blogger, KingSerf compiles a sickening 1-8 all-sports betting record...in just 48 hours. 

Forlorn, humiliated, and more than worthy of fading, he adopts a new identity, that of super villain Captain Cooler. 

So beware Covers readers, for his plays are guaranteed to empty your bankroll.

Alabama -3 (-150)

Alabama @ LSU Under 47.5 (-110)

More All-Sports Misadventures

After yesterday's 0-4 record, I can not faithfully term my all-sports experiment an adventure.  When I think of "adventure" I picture the confident heroism of Indiana Jones, not Barney the shaky deputy from The Andy Griffith Show.  An adventure is a healthy, playful adrenaline rush, not an exercise in anxiety, frustration, and yet another broken remote control.  So until my all-sports record rises above .500, this is wild, wacky wagering -- at best. 

Detroit Pistons -7.5

Yes, it will take a few games for Allen Iverson to gel with his new squad, but the Pistons should be able to cover the spread against a Nets team they have vanquished seven straight times by an average of 14 points.

Phoenix Suns -4.5

Given that the Suns have dominated the Chicago Bulls (four straight visiting wins and 14 of the last 18 meetings), I am concerned that the line, -4.5 in favor of the Suns, has seen very little, if any, movement all day.  However, the Suns lead the NBA in field-goal percentage (55.4), while the Bulls are struggling: 37.8% the last four games.

Atlanta Thrashers @ Buffalo Sabres Over 5.5 (-110)

Sabres goaltender Ryan Miller has not allowed a goal in 145 minutes, resulting in two shutouts.  But the Thrashers have scored nine goals over their last two contests, and did beat Buffalo 3-2 on October 18.  The stronger Buffalo squad will apply maximum effort to avenge the loss, while the Thrashers should add on... [More]

Another All-Sports Adventure

Good evening, book bashing profiteers, and welcome to another all-sports wagering quest for cash.

No offense to the Denver Broncos or Cleveland Browns, but the football game of the evening takes place in Salt Lake City, Utah, as the #11 TCU Horned Frogs visit the #10 Utah Utes.  This BCS or bust Mountain West matchup promises to be must-see TV: The Utes boast the 20th ranked scoring offense in the Football Bowl Subdivision, but the Horned Frogs rank third in the nation in scoring defense and second in total defense, allowing a paltry 214.5 yards per game.  Although Utah won last year's meeting 27-20, I really like TCU's offense, led by hot QB Andy Dalton, who has thrown nine touchdowns and no interceptions the last three games.  Plus the Utes strong running attack (520 yards the last two games) will struggle against TCU's nation leading rushing defense (38.9 yards per game).  The Horned Frogs, winners of five straight games by an average of 28.4 points, are simply the more balanced team.  In other words, the Horned Frogs are croaking mad!

TCU -2 (-110)

And now tonight's all-sports quest shifts from college football to the #1 world wide sport, soccer.  I know that UEFA betting was huge today, but tonight's MLS playoff meeting between the New England Revolution and Chicago Fire looks good for under bettors.  In the first leg of the total-goals playoff series, these two teams played a highly defensive match ending in a 0-0 ... [More]

Fox And Friends: Cream, Sugar, and Tears

I am sooo looking forward to watching Fox News first thing in the morning post-election Wednesday.

While it would make my day to see any or all of their blatantly conservative hosts suddenly break down with spastic tears, all the moaning and moping will suffice.

As a captivated and concerned consumer of all media, it will be fascinating to see how Fox News will change under a Democratic president and Democratic congress.

My theory: Although it might pain Rupert Murdoch, he is simply going to have to pander to the left...ever so slightly...if he wishes to keep viewership.

Barack and Roll, Fox News!

Sports Analogy Election Challenge

What sporting event, real or imagined, past or recent, does tonight's election remind you of?

For example, although it is still very early, this election makes me think of the first 1990s Dallas Cowboy beat down of the Buffalo Bills.

Please Troy Aikman, punch Joe Buck in the face!

How in Hades can former Dallas Cowboy QB Troy Aikman stand the agonizing bias spewing forth from Joe Buck?

Every week Joe Buck simply sides with the team performing best.  And thus a national audience of millions is forced to hear his one sided bull hockey!

Thank God Metallica's new album doesn't blow, for I'd much rather listen to that during the second half of the Cowboy/Giant game.

Please Troy, punch Joe in the face!

Calling All Cowboy Fans!

The collective thread mojo of true Dallas Cowboy fans can make a difference in the outcome of the game.

I have no proof that this kind of Internet affection will actually work, but I do believe in Bigfoot...and the Loch Ness monster...and Mothman...and El Chupacabra. 

The Cowboys can get it done, but only with your help.

All-Sports Saturday Night

Post Halloween treats abound in the sports betting world this evening.  (The real treats have my kids scampering around the house like hamsters on a running wheel.)

College Football

Rice Owls -3

The only scary thing about this matchup is that neither team plays defense very well.  Rice QB Chase Clement and the Owls offense is at least one touchdown better than that of UTEP.

Utah Utes -7.5

The Lobos have the 13th best rushing attack and an impressive 5-8 win/loss record against the Utes.  So what does New Mexico lack?  Defense.  Utah only allows an average of 264 yards of offense per game, the sixth lowest average in the nation.

NHL Hockey

St. Louis Blues -125

As long as VP wannabe Palin is not dropping the puck, the Blues should not slip up in this one.  The Penguins have lost three straight road games, and have only scored three goals in the last three visiting matchups.

Calgary Flames -135

Calgary goaltender Miikka Kiprusoff and company are simply on fire right now.

NBA Basketball

Los Angeles Lakers -8.5

Spooked by the point spread?  This year's Lake Show is 2-0 after beating Portland 96-76 and the Clippers 117-79.

All-Sports Record: 11-11-2
Thursday's Record: 3-0

P.S.  I apologize for the brevity of the write ups, but for 1-2 days after Halloween children turn into monkeys....Monkeys that have escaped the zoo and broken into ... [More]