Beware Los Chupacabras!

Today's 3 unit all-sports platter begins with the National Hockey League.

Halloween is creeping ever so close, and it just so happens that my first NHL pick wears arguably the most frightening uniform in all professional sports.  The creature that so ferociously adorns the jersey of the Nashville Predators always reminds me of the legendary cryptid chupacabra or goat sucker.  *See Google images...or for a laugh visit this YouTube chupacabra video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E_OqZyDppUE.

Whether you believe in cryptids (Bigfoot, Loch Ness Monster, etc.) or not, it's hard to bet against Nashville when facing the Edmonton Oilers, a team they have beaten eight straight times.  While the Edmonton offense has only mustered four goals in four games, the Predators highly productive unit has a season total of 32 goals.  It is also true that Nashville gives up a lot of goals; however, goaltender Dan Ellis is 4-0 with a 2.00 GAA when facing Edmonton.  As of this writing, Oilers coach Craig MacTavish has not decided which goaltender to start, Dwayne Roloson or Mathieu Garon, but neither has been successful against the Chupacabras...I mean, Predators.

Nashville Chupacabras -130

The Ottawa Senators visit the Florida Panthers this evening.  The Senators have won 11 of the last 13 meetings in Florida, and also won 3-1 at home on October 22.  The Panthers Power(less) Play is 0-14 the last four games, plus Senators goaltender A... [More]

All-Sports Wednesday

No snazzy title today, ladies and gents.  Either the coffee isn't strong enough or I still have a food coma from breakfast.

No matter.  Tuesday's all-sports record was 2-1.  The Houston Chokers, I mean Kittens...I mean Cougars, arguably played their worst game of the year.

Today's all-sports action begins on the beautiful green pitch of Old Trafford, the home field of successful soccer giants Manchester United.  West Ham are the visitors, and enter this match having lost three straight...without scoring even one goal.  This, and the home field advantage, explains why Manchester United is so heavily favored (-2).  However, I like the fire and attacking style of new Hammers coach Gianfranco Zola: ""We respect Manchester United but we do not fear them. It is a difficult moment for us, but from these times good teams come out.  I feel really bad about it. I have never seen a team play so well but get no points from three matches.  I know in football things can change very quickly, so we just need to keep our game right and then everything will be better. We feel we will go there to play our own game and to win.''  Go on with your bad self, Mr. Zola! 

West Ham +2

From the pitch to the ice...more specifically, tonight's meeting between the Minnesota Wild and the Dallas Stars.  At 3-4-2, to say the Stars have fallen to earth is a fair assessment.  The team has given up 38 goals in nine games.&n... [More]

Bulls, Cougars, and a Busy Zamboni

Yesterday's all-sports experience was incredibly bizarre: The Titans covered, but trailed at halftime 7-6, which nixed my Titan -3 1st half wager.  The Ducks over (5) pushed.  And the Phillies game was stopped in the 6th inning at 2-2.  *I'm not sure how your online sportsbook operates, but the one I use, betED, actually gave me a win for my Phillies -180 ML wager...probably because Philadelphia was leading 2-1 after five innings. 

And now for tonight's all-sports platter:

Chicago Bulls -5.5 (-130) *Purchased 1 point.

Chicago had a decent preseason record of 4-4, while Milwaukee finished with a putrid 1-7.  The Bulls are 5-0 in the last five home games against the Bucks.  Look for rookie Derrick Rose to bloom swiftly.

Houston Cougars -7.5 (-110)

The Cougars rank 3rd in NCAA total yards, 2nd in passing yards, and 11th in points scored.  In stark contrast, Marshall ranks 90th in total yards, 75th in passing yards, and 102nd in points scored with a 19 point average.  The Blundering Herd have lost three straight, while the Cougars have won three in a row: 41-24 at East Carolina, 45-20 in a home matchup against UAB, and 44-38 visiting SMU.  *Neither team plays very good defense, but with bad weather predicted (40 F and slight chance of showers) the under (62) is highly likely.

Predators/Capitals Over 5.5

Face of the franchise Alex Ovechkin has temporarily lef... [More]

In The Spirit of Samurai Mike

To quote new 49ers coach "Samurai" Mike Singletary, "I want winners!"

Tennessee Titans -4.5

1st Half: Titans -3 (+100)

Sure the most recent meetings between these two teams have been very, very close.  And sure the Titans defense has yet to face a quarterback as good as Peyton Manning.  But Peyton does not play defense....Plus, QB Kerry Collins is very capable if the Colts decide to stack the box to stop the monster-good Titans rushing attack.  Over the last three road games, the Colts have trailed at the half by a field goal or more.

Ducks @ Blue Jackets Over 5

The Ducks have scored 3, 4, and 6 goals the last three games as visitors.  Although the Blue Jackets have only mustered 4 goals the last three games, keep in mind that they faced the Canucks, Rangers, and Wild.

Phillies -180

Cole Hamels, Ryan Howard, home runs, and timely hitting. 

Recent Inglorious All-Sports Record: 3-8
Each play this evening is 3 units.

Word to Samurai Mike!  Thank God at least one NFL coach believes in accountability.

The Bucs Stop Here

According to Brett Favre, phone calls between players and coaches (former and present) are more commonplace than one would think.  So, naturally, the next step is fan phone interaction.  Firmly grounded in Charleston, Illinois for about 15 years now, I felt confident in my pursuit of EIU graduate Tony Romo's telephone number.  Like a cross between Sam Spade and ESPN's Chris Mortensen, I worked tirelessly interviewing anyone close to the man with the most important pinky in Texas.  Eventually I tracked down a blonde, voluptuous dame with his cell phone number.  The information cost me a bottle of Grey Goose vodka and a pack of Marlboro Menthol cigarettes -- in a box.

After the fifth ring I was prepared to leave a lengthy message outlining the golden game plan to beat the Tampa Bay Buccaneers on Sunday.  But suddenly Tony picked up...

Tony: (confused) Hello?

KS: This is Mike Magnum from the Daily Eastern News, Eastern Illinois University's newspaper.  Do you have the time, Tony?

Tony: Well, Mike, rehabing a pinky finger is a pretty complex process....But I have a few minutes.  How can I help you?

KS: I know how America's Dysfuntional Darlings can beat the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

Tony: Is this a joke?

KS: Listen.  I speak on behalf of all Dallas Cowboy fans.  We need a victory and I have a few ideas.

Tony: (apprehensive) Sure...go ahead, Mike.

KS: Tampa Bay is 1-8 visit... [More]

More Dallas Desperation Picks

Howdy fellow bettors,

At an all-sports record of 3-5, I sure have an itchy trigger finger to make amends tonight. 

I am currently working on a killer-funny article to be posted later this evening, but in the meantime here are my all-sports picks for the night:

Phillies/Rays Over 8

Auburn/West Virginia Under 38.5

Washington Capitals -105

I apologize for the lack of a write up, but I imagine that most of you are ignoring my selections anyway.  Hell, I'd fade a 3-5 guy too.  At any rate, best of luck tonight, brothers and sisters.  My next masterpiece is sure to be a rib tickler, so stay tuned.

Cowpoke Cure Continued: Pitch Perfect Plays

This afternoon provides a perfect way for any depressed, disgruntled, or discombobulated Dallas Cowboy fan to get away from the over hyped plight of America's (Bipolar) Team....UEFA Champions League soccer!  The original football may never gain half the fans of the NFL, nor half the bettors, but the "beautiful game" is truly entertaining...and potentially profitable.

Zenit St. Petersburg v BATE Over 2.5 (-165)

Zenit, current UEFA Cup holders, surprisingly lost their last two matches (Real Madrid and Juventus).  With the team at the bottom of Group H, they must apply maximum gusto and gain a minimum of three points.

Villareal -1.5 (-165)

While it is usually good advice to steer clear of a -1.5 soccer line, Danish squad AaB has yet to score a goal, lost their last match 3-nil to Manchester United, and lost their previous visit to Spain 5-nil to Deportivo La Coruna.

Real Madrid 0 (-140)

I respect history, which gives Juventus a 4-0 edge on the home pitch of Stadio Olimpico.  However, Real Madrid leads Group H with a perfect 2-0 start, and defeated fiery footballers Atletico Madrid 2-1 last Saturday. 

Each play is a 3 unit wager.  My Cowpoke Cure all-sports record is 2-3.

Goooaaalllll!  Go-go-go-go-goooaaalll!

Cure for the Cowpoke Calamity: All-Sports Shootout

While I was tempted to compose a Dallas Cowboy fan thread asking, "How did you exercise your anger during and after the St. Louis smackdown?", I'm too nauseated by today's radio and television pundit puke to live one more moment in the past.

Besides, the only units I had riding on my beloved bipolar Cowboys yesterday was the over -- nicely satisfied in the closing minutes of the game.

Tonight I can think of no better cure for the Dallas doldrums than to bet on a number of great sporting events.

I begin with Monday Night Football.  The line opened at -4.5 for the home Patriots, but now rests at -3 in Vegas.  Most offshore books are also at -3, yet I spotted two at -3.5 as of this writing.  While I feel strongly that the Broncos will win the game, I am even more confident with the...

Broncos/Patriots over 48.5 (3 units) 

Although the last two Bronco games have gone under the total, one must remember the opponents were the Jaguars, who kept Denver off the field with a successful rushing game, and the Buccaneers, one of the best defensive teams in the NFL.  In addition, all six Monday Night Football games have gone over the total.

I also pulled the trigger on the following MNF prop bet:

Over 4 sacks -145 (3 units)

The Broncos defense gives up yards easier than a sorority girl on a Saturday night, but New England QB Matt Cassell has been sacked 19 times this season - most of any AFC quarterback. ... [More]

NFL Dunce of the Day

I was all set to anoint Tommie Harris of the Chicago Bears, for fumbling a ball without being touched...

but then the entire offensive line of the Dallas Cowboys behaved like they were a nubile nymphomaniac prostitute -- all holes open, all of the time.

Dallas QB Tony Romo was hurried all day, and with the game on the line in overtime the sieve-like O-line allowed the Cardinals to make the game winning play.

I hereby order the Dallas Cowboys offensive line to huddle up, lower their heads, and repeat the following sentence 100 times:

"I promise to block my man, protect Tony Romo, and prevent every negative play."

With the Redskins loss to the Rams, the Cowboys had the perfect chance to gain ground in the highly contested NFC East.  However, they sucked, they blew it.  The offensive line play was painful as fellatio from a woman with poorly set braces.

The Dallas Cowboys offensive line is clearly the dunce of the day. 

Feel free to nominate your own idiot player, coach, or team.

Kill Your Television!

I watched tonight's debate through the camera lens of CNN.

Afterwards, I spent about one half an hour viewing CNN: The viewer poll evaluation results were Obama 54% - McCain 30% - Undecided 16%.

I then turned to Fox News for a "fair and balanced"...and very different...assessment of the debate.  Fox viewers voted 84% in favor of McCain's performance.

The average American has no idea how his/her cultural, social, and political lives are controlled by the media that he or she chooses to consume.

Shame on both networks, but especially Fox News, which has been labeled a mouthpiece for the Republican Party for years.

My advice: Search the Internet for the transcript of the debate.  And pay no mind to the "focus groups" of undecided voters that each network has assembled.  The typical response is, "Neither candidate was specific enough for me to make a decision."  Both candidates know they can not rely upon the House and Senate to comply with any of their ideas, so do not expect details.

Remember that the television is for entertainment purposes only.

Your vote is a much more serious matter.