Definition of Irony

As a college English instructor, I often try to find real life examples for  the terms and fundamentals involved in effective essay writing.

Irony is Tom Gorzellany out pitching Odalis Perez in the Pirates/Mets game today.

Paydirt Over Poorhouse

Flyers ML -125

Musing and Muttering

My heart is with the Habs, but my head tells me the Flyers is the right play this evening.  Habs goalie Price is in a pressure cooker situation, and though it is painful to admit, the Habs have clearly been outplayed  in the series thus far.  Add to that reality strong play from Flyers goalie Marty Biron...and the great possibility of right winger Mike Knuble (Flyers) returning tonight...and the whole sad Habs scenario makes me want to light up one of those tasty Canadian cigarettes (the short ones) and play George Harrison's "While My Guitar Gently Weeps."

Does anyone know what Canadian brand I am referring to?  I have forgotten, and the gourmet liquor and tobacco shop that sold them to me years ago is closed down.

As far as the late NHL game, Sharks at Stars, I am greatly leaning towards the Stars and also the under.  However, I want more time to research and consult the NHL gods.

Good day and good luck!

Paydirt Over Poorhouse: Early Picks

Mets ML -168

Twins ML -131

Astros/D-Backs Under 9.5

Reflections: The Mets are 8-2 against lefties this year, and today's opposing lefty, Tom Gorzellany has a bloated ERA of 8.46.  O-Dog Perez is the better starting pitcher (ERA 3.46), and hopefully he can go six or seven innings.  The Pirates bats are always lively and competitive, but the Metropolitans are the play.  The Twins face the White Sox Nick Masset, normally a middle reliever.  Ozzie has said he will only pitch five or six innings.  The Twins starting pitcher, Nick Blackburn, has already faced the White Sox once this season, only allowing two runs over seven innings.  I've been a fan of playing the D-Backs ML or RL all year long, but today I really like the Under 9.5 runs.  Both starting pitchers, Shawn Chacon and Randy Johnson are coming off brilliant performances, both in which less than 10 runs were scored.  Plus, Houston has been so competitive lately that I fear even taking the D-Backs ML, -170 something even this early in the day.  That's not enough value, especially if the D-Backs wind up losing.

Best of luck, everyone!

Another No Brick Play

Jazz ML -105

Good luck, compadres!

What The Puck Plays

Stars ML

Penguins/Rangers Over 5

Good luck, everyone!

For Jobu

Braves ML -114

Red Sox ML -113

Good luck, everyone!

No Brick Early Picks

Hornets -6

Philly/Detroit Over 179

The Mavs may put up a good fight in the first half, but they have never been able to find an answer for Chris Paul and David West.  With regard to the 76ers/Pistons game, I believe the 76ers will play strong enough and close enough that the Pistons will be forced to answer with hoop after hoop after hoop.

Buzzzzzzzzzzzzz!

The sting is less than 24 hours away!

Hornets -6

Arizona Run Line Forever!

Let the money do the talking!

Basketball Jones

Lakers -4

and

Lakers/Nuggets Under 225.5

and

A lot of close ups of George Karl getting red faced and cursing.

Dallas Full Timeout

What's with the Mavs and all the timeouts?  Don't they know they are providing the punchline for Hornets players like me?

Maybe Avery should suit up.

Buzzzzzzzzzzzz!

Hornets +4.5

Stars and Over 5

Stars +145

Stars/Sharks Over 5

...And enjoy with Makers Mark on the rocks!

Mad As Hell And I Can't Take It Anymore

Tigers ML -144

Angels/Tigers Over 9

Pistons/Sixers Over 179.5

After losing with MLB and nearly every freaking event I wager on lately, it is only right to bust out the Uzi Cat for a night of book killing!

The Wrong Rangers Won!

As an homage to the brilliantly funny, Walk Hard...

"The wrong Rangers won!"

Rangers 0 Penguins 2

Twins 0 Rangers 10

Go figure!

The King is about to take the mound.

Mariners ML

I don't like the juice, but I have a bad feeling about Webb and the D-Backs, so I stayed away.

If King Felix can take the M's through six innings, Seattle should take the series.

Rock and Roll!

Ice Dreams and Good Omens

Ever since the sloppy ice debacle in the first Rangers/Penguins game, I've been having strange dreams, dreams where I am driving a Zamboni and cursing at a large pool of water in its solid state.  It's like I have OCD and Tourette's Syndrome...and the demon ice won't cooperate.  But then, quite suddenly, Scarlett Johansson appears from the penalty box.  She skates with grace across the messy ice, wearing nothing but a Rangers uniform.  I shut down the Zamboni.  Scarlett then gives me a look and a sly smile, and carefully climbs up the hulking machine.  What happens next is...ummm...well...rather private.

These dreams, strange, angry, libidinous, and sublime, can only mean one thing:

Rangers ML +130

Good luck, puckheads!

Phat Plays for a Saturday

After a truly nauseating Friday that saw only one MLB win, it's time to smash a figurative home run today.

White Sox RL (-1.5)

Braves ML +100

Astros ML +109


Best of luck, everyone!

A's Thread

...because if I lose every MLB bet today I am going to write the commissioner a letter calling his teams and players wussies not worthy of tee-ball for basically taking the day off.

Keeping it Real

At least hockey teams and players give maximum effort.

Look at MLB and the NBA this evening , and you will find loads of teams and players that could care less about winning.

While I am happy that the Stars won and I got the push on the over, I am more pleased  by the efforts of every NHL team that played this evening.

Too bad the viewing and betting public adores a bunch of fakes!

Open Letter to the D-Backs and Padres

As professional baseball players, it is your job to hit the baseball and score runs!

Five scoreless innings should never happen...unless the pitching matchups make it believable.

If any normal tax paying worker played the "I don't give a sh!t." card like the D-Backs and Padres this evening, he/she would be fired quicker than a 95 mph fastball.

Worst Performance of the Day

I nominate every so-called reliever and closer
who ruined every one of my early game tickets!

These bozos (Twins, Cubs, Red Sox) should not have multi-million dollar contracts at all.  Instead, they should be forced to work any number of soul-sucking minimum wage jobs.  However, it's a good bet, a good prop bet, that each one would find a way to fail.

Top Ten New Jobs For Timlin

10) Shoe Shine

9) Mowing Lawns

8) Live Shopping Mall Mannequin

7) Rent-a-Cop

6) Bean Walker

5) Corn Detassler

4) Outhouse Empty Dude

3) Garbage Man

2) Proctologist

1) Fluffer

After Hour Party

A's ML +102

D-Backs/Padres Over 7.5

Rock like The Moldy Peaches!

What The Puck: Epilogue

Stars/Sharks Over 5

While I can't see 9 goals being scored in this one, I expect at least 6...or, hopefully, at 5 a push.

As previously stated, I also have the Stars +125.

Go Dallas!  Go goals!

What The Puck Plays

Thursday Record: 2-0

Here are my freaky Friday plays.  And, no, I have not lost my mind!

Rangers +125

Rangers/Penguins Over 5

Stars +125

May the puck be with you all!

No Brick Play of the Day

Thursday Record: 2-3

After Thursday's very surprising and monetarily frustrating NBA results, I really only feel strongly about...

Pistons/Sixers Over 180

I am leaning towards the Hornets with the points in the second game, but I am simply keeping an eye on the line at this time.

Rock like The Mars Volta!

Friday MLB House Party

Thursday MLB Record: 6-2
Overall MLB Record: 8-4

Records, Reactions, and Rants

After Wednesday's vomitous 2-2 record, to go 6-2 Thursday was almost as great as the time my former co-workers bought me a jumbo bottle of Jaegermeister on my last day of work.  Thursday's winners: Phillies, Tigers RL, Marlins/Braves Over 10, Indians (late Cliff Lee game), Giants, and D-Backs/Dodgers Over 8.5.  Thursday's losers were the Cubs and Mets.

Plant your bones by the keg, and partake the following plays...

Cubs ML -126

Last year was last year, but even so, in 2007 the Cubs won six of seven games against the Nats, 3-4 on the road.  Ryan Dempster has a career 3.40 ERA against Washington.  And while the Cubs offense has been terrific, the Nats have only given starting pitcher Odalis Perez five runs of support in 26 and 2/3rds innings.

Yankees ML -131

While it is good to see the Indians finally being competitive, they are coming off Thursday's double header...facing the more-than-capable Yankees offense...with a mediocre Paul Byrd on the mound...against Andy Pettite. 

Red Sox -119

Minus Wakefield's last start visiting the Rays (last September), Timmy has simply owned Tampa Bay -- especially on their home diamond.  The line may reflect a Red Sox bullpen with a nearly 6.00 ERA over the last thee games.  However, the Red Sox are batting .346 against right handed pitching, and opposing rightie Ma... [More]

All Hail The Bionic Pitcher, Cliff Lee!

Nine innings, nine strike outs, only three hits allowed.

Rejoice Cleveland fans.  At least one of your pro teams cared tonight.

Rockets +6 2nd Half

Due to the explosive difference from the Rockets with Alston in the lineup, even though I have the Jazz -8.5 and another play on the over 185.5, I could not resist the Rockets +6 for the 2nd half.

Regardless of the outcome, let's enjoy the 2nd half!

A Love Supreme

The thread refers to a masterpiece by one of my jazz favorites, John Coltrane.  Whether I win or lose either one of the following plays does not diminish what is arguably one of the greatest jazz recordings of all time. 

Jazz -8.5

Rockets/Jazz Over 185.5

Good luck, everyone.

Dessert

Giants +110

D-Backs/Dodgers Over 8.5

Sweeeeeeet!

A La Carte Extra

Indians ML -121

Cliff Lee has been like Lee Majors, only Cliff is the Bionic Pitcher, not the Bionic Man.

The Royals did do a number, 13-2, on Cliff last year.  However, the Indians seems to be improving, while the Royals...well, they are the Royals.

Go Tribe!

What The Puck Plays

Avs/Red Wings Over 5

Habs -190

(Terrible amount of juice, but I want to see how the Flyers approach this series.)

Good luck, fellow puckheads!

No Brick Plays

Magic +4

Cavaliers +5

Thanks for all the input everyone!  Cheers!

MLB Main Course

2-1-1 (Tigers game pushed on the over, 10.) on the early games.

Tonight's main course is...

Mets ML

Marlins/Braves Over 10

May your wallets grow fat this evening!

MLB Appetizers

Record, Reactions, and Rants

On Wednesday I won with the Cubs ML and Tigers RL, yet, like many people, including the gentleman who gave the Covers radio free pick-of-the-day, lost with the Cardinals.  The Cardinals appear to be slumping a bit, which as a Cub fan brings me nothing but joy and laughter!  My two team parlay of the Indians and Blue Jays was another loss.  Note to self: Until these Jays mend their broken wings I'm fading them.  MLB Record: 2-2 (50%....Ouch!)

Here are my early MLB plays...

Cubs ML (+107)

Although the line has shifted even more in favor of the Rockies, I'm not shaking in my Timberlands one bit.  Jason Marquis (De Sade) has won his last two starts, the Cubs bullpen has a 4.22 ERA over the last three games...compared to the 7.20 ERA of the Rockies, and the Cubs offense scores when it counts - late in games.

Phillies ML (+118)

Another underdog...but have no fear.  The Phillies may be 1-8 in the last nine meetings in Milwaukee, but Philly is hitting .299 against right handed pitching and the bullpen has a stellar 1.69 ERA over the last three games.  Yes, the Brewers are likely to hit Moyer, but I very much doubt the Don Knotts like shaky bullpen, 6.33 ERA over the last three games, can stifle the Philly bats enough for the victory.

Tigers RL (-105)

No fooling, but last night someone posted a thread calling for Kenny Rogers retirement shortly after the first inning... [More]

Back for the Attack!: Part Two

Lakers -8.5

If the Nuggets "zone" helps them to win or cover the spread, then I'll eat plain oatmeal for breakfast.

Good luck all you night owls!

Extra Bases

Giants/Padres Over 7

and

D-Backs ML

I played both these straight up.

Good luck, everyone!

Back for the Attack!

No, this thread is not a Dokken devotional!

After a few days sorely enslaved by The Man, I'm back!

No time for supporting blah-blah-blah, because all the Covers faithful have already posted enough.

Straight-Up Plays

Cardinals ML

Cubs ML

Tigers RL (Run Line -1.5)

Shameless MLB Two-Team Parlay

Indians and Blue Jays (both ML)

Three-Team NBA Teaser

Sixers+14
Celtics -11.5
Lakers -4

As always, best of luck!

KingSerf Redemption Redux

David "Stormy" Weathers ruined a Reds comeback yesterday...or, to be fair, the Reds bats failed in the bottom of the ninth inning.

Being that Sunday is all about redemption, unless you are an atheist or the member of a cult, I have a play filled with the power, spirit, and statistical savvy to redeem my MLB losing ways.

Cardinals -1.5 (Run Line)

Cardinals starter Braden Looper is 3-0 with a 2.70 ERA and 1.20 WHIP.  "Dirty" Jon Sanchez has an ERA of 6.00 and a WHIP of  1.47.  The Cardinals have won and covered the run line in each of Looper's last starts.  I also feel that the Cardinals will get to see the Giants bullpen today...a group with a paltry 4.80 ERA over the last 10 games.

Hallelujah!

KingSerf No Brick Play

0-1 yesterday (Wizards/Cavs Over 188), in large part due to the Wiz not getting to the foul line...and, of course, not adjusting by switching their shot selection.  At any rate, today is a new day, and here I have my first no brick play:

Orlando Magic -7

The Magic have bemused and befuddled me all year long.  Sometimes they overwhelm opponents by double digits and sometimes they simply allow the opposition to hang around.  One day into the NBA playoffs, 3-4 home teams were victorious, but only Cleveland and New Orleans covered the point spread.  However, I look for a strong showing from the Magic today, who beat the Raptors by 15 points in the last meeting (March 4).  Hopefully the Magic (and Lady Luck) prevail, because I love this quote from Dwight Howard: "Nobody's ever given us a shot to do anything. Everybody overlooks our team," Howard told reporters. "Nobody believes in Magic just yet, so we have to come up with some new tricks."

Good luck, everyone!

Worst Performance of the Day

I submit a tie this evening:

Dallas Mavericks (2nd half only)

Wizards/Cavs Refs

I played the Hornets ML as part of a parlay, but I can certainly empathize with honked off Mavs fans and Mavs bettors everywhere.  To play such a horrendous 2nd half is inexcusable.  Avery better try a stronger sermon before game two or the Mavericks will have plenty of time on Sundays very, very soon.

With regard to the refs in the Wizards/Cavs contest, I understand that once the Washington coaching staff realized the inside game was not going to get them any foul shots they should have adjusted, but I still think King James and Company got an early Christmas gift.

KingSerf No Puckin' Around Special

Flyers/Capitals Over 5.5

A sense of urgency in the Caps, plus the always capable scorers on the Flyers squad should make this matchup just like the last two...

Over, over, over!

Goals!  Goals!  Goals!

KingSerf No Brick Play

I feel that a fired up and feisty King James, and the blitzkrieg offense of the Washington Wizards will more than cover...

Wizards/Cavaliers Over 188

Good luck, everyone!

No bricks!  No bricks!

KingSerf Redemption Play

After losing yesterday's Yankees/Orioles Over 10.5 by half a run...and then taking a chance on the Phillies only to get Blunted...I am asking Lady Luck, the Cubbies, and the Big Red Machine for a little redemption.

2-team parlay: Cubs and Reds

Stars/Ducks Over 4.5 Rally Thread

My gambling therapist advised that I play more overs.  Overs are arguably less nerve racking to monitor than under plays.

Thus I played Stars/Ducks over 4.5 goals.

Put the puck in the net, men!

Worst Performance of the Day

I know the night is still young, everyone, but let's start throwing metaphorical darts at individual athletes or entire teams. 

I nominate...

New York Yankees

While I wasn't one of the saddest lot who either wagered on the Yankees to win ML...or even worse, by 2 or more runs...I did have the Over of 10.5 runs -- in part my fault for not jumping on 9.5 when I had the chance.

Regardless, how the Yankee lineup only scores 2 runs against Orioles pitching is as absurd as the entire career of "comedian" Carrot Top.

Let the bashing begin!

Bonk, There It Is!

Unless somebody just bonked me on the head, the Predators' Bonk really did just score a goal to tie the game! 

Go Predators +1.5!

Worst Performance of the Day

For fun, and because venting without actually breaking objects (or someone's face) is a healthy activity, nominate an individual athlete or team for...


Though many games are still in progress, including one on the Eastern seaboard with a score more closely associated with volleyball than baseball, I nominate the...


Losing 11-2 in the top of the 8th at the time of this writing, they may as well start calling the team the Cincinnati Dead.

And my runner up is a team it seems everyone was playing today, even though they are in a major funk:


Here's your chance to let the overpaid athletes and most pathetic teams know how you really feel.  However, please, please, please refrain from spouting obscenities like a crack addict with Tourette's Syndrome.

Enjoy!

KingSerf Paydirt Plays: After-Brunch Edition

The mid-day play is sublime joy.  It's like that cigarette, Mountain Dew, or Red Bull at 3:00 on a workday.  Or, if your retired, unemployed, too sick to work, or too sick of working to work, then it is the greatest moment since the last moment!

At any rate, keep in mind two very important details: 1) I am not wagering units so large that if I happen to work in an office and lose my bet I'll bash my co-worker's head in with a paperweight.  2) While I do my best to support my picks with confidence, intelligence, and the residue of common sense, I make mistakes.  For example, I was wrong about imitation Doritos.  They are horrible!  Those advanced in age would be advised to stay away, for the sodium level of one chip could be lethal.

Juventas/Parma - Over 2.5 (-120)

No, this isn't a match of new sandwiches offered at Friday's.  These two soccer teams belong to Italy Serie A.  Juventas is in 3rd place, Parma is in 17th place, and 20 teams make up the league.  The goal differential is staggering (Juventas 26 to Parma -12).  Furthermore, Juventas has scored 5 goals in the last two matches.  In addition, with Parma coming off two straight draws, Empoli (rank 19) and Lazio (rank 12), they should be ripe for at least one goal.

Diamondbacks/Giants Over 8

The D-Backs, ML or RL, is the popular bet, but don't forget about the Over (8 runs at this writing).  Here are a few reasons to like the Ov... [More]

Leaning Tower of Cash

I love the NHL this time of year, because unless an X-File enters into the mix (*see 1st period Sharks/Flames tonight) most bets have a fighting chance.

Penguins ML

Red Wings ML

Avalanche and Over

There Will Be Blood

We spend time discussing winners and losers, so I thought it only right to give some attention to an Oscar Best Picture loser that, quite frankly, got robbed by Academy politics.

I challenge any sane, academically sound, cinema loving super-geek to watch No Country For Old Men and then There Will Be Blood...and without reserve say that the Academy's decision was right.

I've watched No Country For Old Men three full times, and I can honestly say that Blood Simple, Miller's Crossing, and even Fargo are stronger Coen brothers movies.

There Will Be Blood is not just a vehicle for Daniel-Day Lewis.  The film is solid cinema from beginning to end, with a not-so-subtle commentary on the "warlike" condition between the spiritual and material worlds.  Furthermore, if anyone has seen Paul Thomas Anderson's other films, Hard Eight, Boogie Nights, Magnolia, etc., you know he is a filmmaker that is a captain of story and vision.

A few friends had told me that the Coen's Oscar was an Academy gift, much like Scorsese's Best Picture for The Departed last year. I can't go there because Scorsese could direct infomercials deserving of Best Picture consideration.  Also, I did not want to believe detractors out of deep respect for the Coen's body of work.  Yet only a fool, or someone who seriously cleaned up wagering on the Coen's film, can argue that No Country For Old Men deserved the Oscar.

The true test of a great film is if, in part or a... [More]

Rockets Question: Is Shane Battier playing?

Anyone know if Shane Battier will play tonight?  I'm leaning Rockets +6.5, but if Battier is out Houston may have a problem.

KingSerf Paydirt Plays: Early Edition

Results, Reactions, and Rants

All Sports Record - 4W 4L (50%)

I had a splendid write up yesterday, very good prose.  But I was in transit and using a public computer.  As is sometimes the case, I use the Copy (CTRL-C) and Paste (CTRL-V) feature.  I had just finished writing.  I was full of that giddy pride that all writers feel -- even a shopping list makes us excited.  I pressed CTRL-V to paste my work...and only one word appeared...

misogyny

Not only was I deflated having lost my work to some clever computer nerd, but being wrongly labeled a misogynist (hatred, dislike, or mistrust of women -Dictionary.com) had me seething.

Yet, Friday's rainbow had a pot of gold at the end, even if my picks went unwritten and unrecorded. 

Here are my early picks.  Once again, like swimming in a local pond with a strange chromatic film on the surface, play at your own risk. 

Brewers +134

Santana gets the publicity, but Ben Sheets has been godlike - no runs allowed in 15 1/3 innings.  While Santana is 3-1 with a 3.32 ERA against the Brewers lifetime, he has not faced them since 2005.  I feel that Santana will finally have a poor or mediocre outing, reminiscent of last year.  Though early batting average is a "grain of salt" stat, the Brewers are hitting .308 against left handed pitching, while the Mets are slugging .230 against righties.  I love the Brewers in this contest..... [More]

Baseball Cards: 1st Edition Topps and Upper Deck

Close your eyes and drift back to a time when baseball cards mattered in your life.  There was mystery and magic opening every pack ...not to forget bubble gum.  Remember the joy felt in discovering that you owned the one card everyone wanted.  I still collect baseball cards, and I am not ashamed to admit it.  Here are my thoughts on 2008 Topps and Upper Deck 1st Edition Box Sets:

Topps has made a bold move to a more glossy appearance.  Even legends must change to please the market.  The front of each card reminds me of a design one might have seen in the early 1950s.  My box included three specially commissioned painting cards by Dick Perez: Joba Chamberlain, Ichiro, and Tim Lincecum.  Don't laugh, each card is quite impressive.  Do not be surprised to find a card meant to support a 2008 presidential candidate.  I got Mitt Romney, no longer running.  Topps MLB 2008 1st Edition is a great value, roughly $10 for five packs that include three Dick Perez painting bonus cards.  Rock on, Topps!

Upper Deck has once again provided a great, glossy product with the release of the MLB 2008 1st Edition box.  However, buyer beware.  Sure you get the usual Upper Deck glamor and gloss, but the Starquest cards make me think of Mountain Dew or Amp soda cans.  It's a huge mistake, a real vomit inducing atrocity for anyone who adores baseball cards.

As a collector, both Topps and Upper Deck are must... [More]

Kingserf's Midnight Snacks

MLB Play

Cardinals -147

Puck Parlay

Flames +1.5 and Ducks

Eat the books and then make a snack!

KingSerf Paydirt Plays

Good morning eager profiteers,

My only early play is...

Reds -108

Besides the final sway from my gut, which I hope was simply not my stomach rumbling, here are a few items to ponder:

• Harang's current ERA is 2.77.

• Harang is 3-1 with a 4.01 ERA at Miller Park.

• Last effort: In a loss against the Phillies, Harang threw 108 pitches, had 6 Ks, walked three batters, and allowed 2 runs on 6 hits.

• Reds overall bullpen: 2.70 ERA
  

• Brewers overall bullpen: 5.87 ERA
  

• Reds overall bats vs RHP: .263

• Reds bats last effort: 12-4 smackdown of the Brew Crew!

• Batter with success vs Villanueva: Ken Griffey, Jr. is 5 for 12 (.417).

Good luck today, ladies and germs. 

I'll be back with evening plays later this afternoon. 

Mets vs Marlins Over

I took the over late and got stuck with 9 runs.  However, we're off to a good start.  Pedro may settle, but I doubt if he makes it through the 6th.  As for VandenVonHelsing, at some point history and the Mets will catch up to him.  Let's go runs!