Bob Dylan: NBA Super Fan

Bob called me a few minutes ago to say that he was at the Lakers/Spurs game incognito.  He was not clear on his costume, so he could be dressed and disguised as anyone in the first few rows.  Here are Bob's plays:

Lakers +6.5 (game, bought a point)

Lakers +3 (1st  Half)

Lakers/Spurs Under 96.5 (1st  Half)

Bob says to have some fun and look for him.  He adds that it is not as much fun as searching for the Playboy bunny on the cover of the latest Playboy, but competing with that kind of fun is a tall order.

Bob Dylan:Subterranean Homesick Picks

Bob hasn't answered his cell phone for a few days, but as of May 10 his MLB record was 8-4.  I don't want to disturb the wunderkind's dinner, so I think I'll try him again now:

(The phone rings several times, and then Lil' Wayne's "Lollipop" begins.)  (However, quite abruptly the cell phone is answered.)

Bob: What's the word, Serf? 

Me: I'm calling for MLB picks, Bob.  But just let me get over the shock of the song preceding your voice mail.  Lil' Wayne?

Bob: (laughter) Yeah, yeah.  He says he's the greatest rapper of all time, so I called his punk ass and told him that I'm going to revise "Subterranean Homesick Blues," which I believe is the first and best "rap" song ever.

Me: Sounds like Willie Nelson left you an herbal gift, but I applaud the decision Bob.  These sour times demand another "Subterranean Homesick Blues."

Bob: Word, Serf.  Hey, man, let me rap you my MLB picks.  Jay-Z says I gotta practice if I want to beat weak-ass Lil' Wayne.

Me: Sure, Bob, go "Rapper's Delight" on me dog.

Bob: (wicked harmonica intro...then the stomping of cowboy boots on a hardwood floor)

Let's begin with the Oakland Athletics (-106),
because good pitching and history says I should bet it. 

Every rapper knows that verbs is the key,
and I like the pitching action of Royals' (-127) ace Greinke.
 
My man Kason Gabbard doesn't need to gab,
for his ... [More]

Under the Stars

Stars Under 5

Is anyone else even slightly amazed by the Stars 2-1 defeat after being puckslapped 4-1 in the first game?

I'm not convinced that Dallas can beat Detroit...even at home.

However, I have noticed that Turco and company seem to play better defensive puck at home.

Granted the Detroit Red Wings are not the San Jose Sharks, but a two goal difference deserves attention. 

Besides, I'd rather get the push than lose my money on a puck pipe dream.

Handicapping Comedy

I understand that professional sports handicappers spend hours pouring over stats and critically analyzing every bit of information to predict winners, but these recent NBA playoff games have been so dominated and covered by the home teams that it makes the "trade" laughable.

On weekends I have more time to read Covers articles, threads, and posts, and today, for example, a great many users/bettors were all over both the Lakers and Hornets...to either win or, at least, to cover the point spread.  Yet regular season history pointed in the opposite direction.  Furthermore, after Cleveland, who looked like the New York Knicks as visitor, thumped Boston at home the other night, even the casual sports fan received a great example of the difference and value of playing at home in the NBA playoffs.

While it is arguably the combination of fanhood and sports wagering value that drives many bettors to the underdog, how many times does a day like today have to happen before the bettor lays the money down on the right team...the home team.

Bob Dylan's Late Show

Since calling on Renaissance Man Bob Dylan, my MLB picks have gone 6-3.  Even though it's late on a Friday, I think I can reach Bob Dylan by cell phone:

Bob: (ordering) Do I talk funny?  Am I a special person?  No!  Prick up your ears drink slinger, and give me another shot of Jaegermeister.  Who is this?  Speak up.  I have a gaggle of giggly girls on a beer crawl  just itching for my attention.

Me: It's me, KingSerf, Bob.

Bob: Look man, I'm sorry about those totals plays.  Blame it on Willie Nelson and his weed.

Me: Forgiven.  Any late MLB plays, Bob?

Bob: Always.  Check these out but play at your own risk.

Dodgers RL

Phillies/Giants Over 7.5 Runs

Rockies +137

Me: Good luck tonight, Bob.  So tell me, what does a Pulitzer Prize winning singer/songwriter do on a Friday night in May?

Bob: Looking to get drunk and laid.  What did you expect?  Writing songs to save the world?  (drunken laughter) Songs have as much chance of saving the world as George Bush learning to tie his own shoes. 

Me: Rock and roll, Bob.

Bob: (shouting) That Jaeger shot better be chilled!  Rock on, Serfdog.

Best of luck with all your late MLB plays, everyone!


... [More]

Bob Dylan: Tangled Up In Totals

So thus far this evening, Bob has steered me in the wrong direction on two totals plays.  Because he is Bob Dylan, I decided to give him another chance on a final totals play of the day.

Me: Hey, Bob, it appears you suck at totals.

Bob: (with heavy nasal tone and very mellow speech) Serf, you simply don't understand the music of chance. 

Me: What?  Is Willie Nelson still around?

Bob: Yeah, he's making some guacamole dip with Rosalita, one of my maids.

Me: Listen, maybe the third time is truly a charm.  Give me one last MLB totals play.

Bob: (puts the phone on the counter) (plays the harmonica)  (then singing)  Take the over in the Rangers/Mariners game...it was 7.5 but now it is 8.  And after you win, take a hooker on a date...

Me: (interrupting) Uhhh, thanks, Bob.  Gotta go.

Bob Dylan: Sports Prophet

With the help of mysterious master musician (and part time sports handicapper) Bob Dylan, I went 4-0 yesterday.  So I have again decided to call Bob up for help with tonight's MLB picks:

Bob: (shouting over an acoustic number in the background) What do you want?  Willie and I are working on some tunes.

Me: Willie who?

Bob: (after a heavy drag from an unidentified substance) Willie Nelson, man! 

Willie: (the music stops) Don't Bogart that, Bob!  And put the phone down!

Bob: Keep out of my business you pony-tailed, no tax-paying, countrified hippie!  I'm talking to Serfdog....He needs my baseball wisdom.

Willie: Whatever, Zims.  I need a smoke break anyway.

Me: So, Bob, what do you have for me tonight?

Bob: (another mighty drag) Whoa!  Just a sec...I nearly fainted.  That's better.  Here you go Serf and Turf...

Braves -168

Giants/Pirates Over 9.5

Red Sox/Tigers Under 9.5

...oh, yeah, and Willie likes...

Indians +124

Me: Thanks again, Bob.  You're the shiznit.

Bob: (confused) Huh?

Me: You're the best.


... [More]

Bob Dylan: Expert Handicapper

After my recent funk, I called up Pulitzer Prize winner, singer/songwriter Bob Dylan to bring me piece of mind...and possibly a few Tuesday winners.  I recorded the conversation and translated as best as possible.

Me: Bob, I know you must be busy, but I need your help.

Bob: (nasal mumbling) Call an ambulance.  Call 9-1-1.

Me: No, Bob, I'm in a sports betting dark period.

Bob: (strumming an acoustic guitar and singing) Keep on trying to do your best...and don't lay an egg like a bird in a nest.

Me: Well, it's not "Maggie's Farm" but it sounds promising. 

Bob: Thank you.  Thank you.

Me: Bob, I need a few winners.

Bob: (more guitar and singing) The serfs they were enslaved to the dirt.  They toiled and tussled but to make matters worse...

Me: Bob!  Bob!  Put on your sports handicapping hat, please.

Bob: Oh...yeah...just a minute.  (an acoustic guitar falls onto a hard wood floor and then the shuffling of shoes)  Here's my advice:

Braves -153

A simple case of a team pitching and hitting well (Braves) versus a team that couldn't hit a pinata -- without a blindfold.

Cubs -112

Carlos Zambrano is the kind of guy I could write a song about.  Plus, the Cubs offense is way overdue for one of its recent runfest games.

Marlins -112

Starting pitcher Scott Olsen already beat the Brew Crew 3-0 as a visitor.  Milwaukee is batt... [More]

Paydirt Over Poorhouse

Thankfully hitting on my post-sunset picks last night, Tigers and Nationals, I went 2(W)-3(L) yesterday.  Luckily no MLB day games are scheduled, so I'm hoping whatever strange lunar cycle I'm currently on pays off.   Today I am staying away from any totals plays, which have simply made me look like a complete idiot lately.   Also, since I am fully aware that one of my greatest mistakes is wagering on too many events nearly every single day, I have decided to apply more selectivity and moderation.   Here are tonight's plays:   Tigers ML -136   In MLB it's hard to fade a streaking team, especially one that has paid such fat profits for me the last two days.  Armando Galarraga has a nasty 1.50 ERA, while opposing pitcher Livan Hernandez has a 5.05 ERA and a recent penchant for giving up the long ball -- 6 home runs in his last three starts.  And Livan now has to face a Tigers team that has produced 18 home runs over the last 10 games!    Diamondbacks ML -126   MLB.com states that Micah Owings may not get the start, as he was "noticeably limping" on Wednesday.  However, that means that Brandon Webb will get the start...with Owings entering the game in some capacity later on.  Yes, the Mets beat both Owings and Webb last May.  Yet it is also true that last year's D-backs squad, a team with a pathetic offense, went 1-1 against tonight's Mets starter, John Maine.  Ariz... [More]

A's: Over/Under 20 Runs

I know the under is the wisest choice, but wouldn't it be the shiznit if the Athletics scored 21 runs?

How many times did the NFL Raiders score 21 points last season?

I'm going with the over, even if it is a push.

Let The Avalanche Crowd Play The 3rd

Pro sports never has enough fan appreciation freebies and stunts, so, given the Avalanche have a snowball's chance in hell of coming back to win this game, why not let a random selection of the crowd play against the Red Wings in the 3rd period?

Simply have each willing fan sign an insurance waiver, give them a stick and skates, and let the fun begin!

NHL Mercy Rule?

I know it's never a good idea to presume a professional sports victory with loads of time left, but given the Red Wings are already up 5-1 not even half way through the 2nd period, shouldn't the NHL seriously look into some kind of hockey mercy rule?

No Way!

Keep pounding the puck, Red Wings!

Paydirt Over Poorhouse: Over 178

Everyone's either playing the Pistons to cover or the under...

but I like the over, which I got at 178.

With Philly at home I just can't see a major Piston blowout.  And if the 76ers do appear to give up late, shame on them.

I envision a 4th quarter where fouls, clock stoppage, and made free throws push the game over.

Rock and roll, hoopheads! 

Paydirt Over Poorhouse

After going an embarrassing, ridiculous, pathetic 0-3 with my early plays (Orioles, Royals, and Dodgers/Marlins over 9.5), I played Tom Waits' Rain Dogs, poured a tumbler of Maker's Mark over ice, lit up a Partagas miniature, and mulled over a few more games.  Here's what I'm playing this evening:

Tigers +100

Nationals -134

Good luck this evening.  And remember...

If at first you don't succeed, keep on sucking.

Paydirt Over Poorhouse: Early Picks

The most appropriate soundtrack to yesterday's MLB picks is "Strange Days" by the Doors.  I went 2(W) - 3(L), but two of the losses defied research, stats, etc.  Not only did the Pirates whack and shellac the Mets 13-1, but Randy Johnson of the D-backs gave up 4 runs in the first inning...and thus I knew then that my under 9.5 play was ruined.  Hopefully the following early MLB picks will play out as expected.

Royals ML -137

Orioles ML -120

Dodgers/Marlins Over 9.5 (-105)

Musing and Muttering
Since it looks like many Covers members are also playing the Royals and Orioles, I won't prattle on about either game.  Zack Greinke has a 1.25 ERA and 1.11 WHIP over 36 innings, and beat Texas at home last September 8-1.  Also, did anyone notice how the Royals nearly tied the game last night?  Both bullpens have disastrous ERAs, but I believe that Zack Attack will pitch enough innings to nearly nullify the Royals bullpen issues. 

Both starting pitchers in the Rays/Orioles game have been hit well by the opposing team, and thusly both lost this April.  However, Burres was the visitor last time out and only pitched 4 innings.  I expect a much stronger - and longer - effort at home.

Finally, my totals early play, Dodgers/Marlins over 9.5.  Kuroda has been struggling lately, while Florida's Burke Badenhop (love the name) has been equally unimpressive -- 8.36 ERA and 1.86 WHIP over only 14 innings... [More]