I'm sick of people with their unrealistic, pretentious New Year's resolutions. They resolve to lose weight, stop smoking, start an exercise program, eat healthier, land a better job, or donate more to charity. These people rarely succeed, but then days before the next New Year they stupidly declare, "This is going to be the year I -- [Insert any unrealistic, pretentious New Year's resolution.]. And the cycle of stupidity goes on and on, year after year.
I prefer attainable New Year's resolutions. Smaller yet more interesting goals, such as the year I resolved to shout less over a lost bet. One year I simply used zen-like focus to drop the F-bomb less. Not only do I prefer reachable New Year's resolutions, but I always create a handful of goals...because I know that even faced with a simple resolution I may fail. For example, I am incapable of watching more than three chick flicks a year. I kept falling asleep, or I would laugh during the romantic scenes.
This year I plan to consume less Jagermeister. I love the stuff like a kid loves candy, but now middle aged, Jager has a horrible way of creeping up on me. The effect is miserable and embarrassing, like when a disgusting skank at the end of the bar flirts with you. I'll down a few shots of Jager, and then thirty minutes later everything becomes a Salvador Dali painting.
This year I will finally change my facebook avatar. My friends feel my current picture (Bryan John Levek) makes me look creepy, like an ex-convict or a pedophile. They may be right, but at least I'm not one of those facebook bozos chugging a beer in their avatar.
I'm going to give contemporary country music a shot this year. While I will always prefer Johnny Cash to Toby Keith, I need to stop gagging every time I hear one of Nashville's newest voices. This one sounds easy, but I'm passionate to a fault about music. I once interrupted a dinner date with a beautiful red-haired hippie to ask the waitress if she could turn the country music, which was playing at stun volume throughout the restaurant, off. I think I'll start with Taylor Swift; maybe if I join her fan club I'll even get a saucy poster.
Slim guys like me never need to diet. This year I plan to eat more desserts. I've always been the kind of guy that loves the main course (heavily salted), but could care less about a slice of pie or a dish of ice cream. In fact, I'd rather a woman buy me a six pack of imported beer than bake me chocolate chip cookies. But this year I am
finally going to find my inner sweet tooth.
Finally, with regard to betting habits, 1) I am going to severely moderate betting on soccer, and 2) Although I love parlays and exotic bets, I must focus more on straight bets. About a week ago I got slayed on soccer bets. I forget the specifics, but nothing turned out as I thought it would -- even after a good amount of analysis and handicapping. Some sports are great for fans but lousy for bettors. Soccer is that sport. Maybe I love parlays and exotic bets for the same reason nimrods play the lottery and scratch off games -- high risk but huge reward. But like Nate, my favorite bartender of all time, used to say, "There is only one outcome when you bet on one event." I still plan to play parlays and teasers (see the big bad beauty below), but simple math dictates a greater chance of winning consistently with straight bets.
No matter how minute or monumental your New Year's resolutions may be, I wish you luck.
And now for tonight's betting selections...
Fiesta BowlTCU Horned Frogs -6.5 (-130)I bought the 1/2 point out of caution, but I feel very confident that TCU, who play bruising, physical football will cover the spread. Boise State are very talented on the offensive side of the ball, but they have never seen a football beast like the Horned Frogs.
College Basketball 7 Team 5-Point TeaserFairfield +12Iona +3Pittsburgh +9North Carolina -9.5Louisiana Tech +3Mississippi State -2Jacksonville State +2