I know. I know. Real men don't eat quiche, and real bettors don't play teasers. But I have a fondness for football teasers, for they often provide more pigskin profit than multiple straight bets or foolish parlays.

Here is a late afternoon 7-point teaser I think is terrific:

Arkansas +31
Houston -10
Penn State -10
Texas Tech +17.5
Notre Dame +17

Of course, even teased by 7 points, one or more of these teams could screw me over worse than a hooker with chipped teeth and crabs. *A NOTE TO CHARLIE: If your Golden Domers drop the cross on this one, there will be hell to pay -- loss of job, recruiting losses, an all-week tongue lashing by the media, etc., etc. The only thing that will remain the same, Charlie, is your fat arse!

Good luck this afternoon, ladies and degenerates!