*The following
Saturday Night Live monologue is visiting us from the future,
Saturday, February 20, 2010, to be exact.
(Brett Favre ambles to the front of the stage until he stands dead center under the spotlight. His hair is tousled, he is unshaven, and he wears a faded pair of blue jeans and his New York Jets jersey. He smiles heartily and waves to the crowd. The applause is deafening. Then the crowd begins chanting in unison, "J-e-t-s, Jets, Jets, Jets!" followed by "B-r-e-t-t, Brett, Brett, Brett!")
Favre: Thank you. Thank you.
(Heavy applause and chanting continues.)
Favre: Thank you, really, but we have a show to do.
(Heavy applause and chanting does not stop.)
Favre (shouting): Look, I love you guys too, but can I talk.
(The applause and chanting suddenly stops.)
Favre: Wow, it's good to be the King of New York. (random laughter from the crowd) (Favre clears his throat.) I know this is the part where I'm expected to be funny, but I'm not an actor or comedian. I'm just an NFL quarterback. (Favre becomes strangely choked up.) And since winning the Super Bowl...
again...I have done a
lot of thinking.
Random guy in crowd: You rock, Brett!
Favre: Thank you. I was saying that since I have brought a long awaited championship back to the New York Jets I've done a lot of thinking...
Random guy in crowd: About running for mayor!?
Favre: (Brett suddenly breaks into tears.) No, no, no. I have decided to retire from the National Football League.
(The entire crowd erupts with laughter, but Favre keeps on shedding tears and blubbering. This keeps on for over a minute until every last crowd member is hush.)
(Brett raises his head and wipes his tears on his sleeve. He breaks into a wide, mischievous grin.)
Favre: Just joking. Live from New York, it's Saturday Night!
...AND NOW BACK TO THE PRESENT.As if you could not tell, I like the New York Jets tonight (-140). I know I sound like yet another bedazzled fan of Brett Favre and the New York Jets, but I seriously like the Jets chances. And it is not just because Brett Favre really wants to beat the team that spoiled his Super Bowl shot last year. I feel that once Favre takes a seat on the bench this evening, the other Brett (Ratliff) is more than capable of sealing a victory. Ratliff has thrown for 400 yards this preseason, and has a QB rating of 119.6. In addition, I think the Jets retooled offensive line will hold up well enough to sustain drives. Overall, I just envision a game in which the Jets and the 12th man Jet fans are psyched and hyped up, while Tom Coughlin's crew just want to exercise and evaluate a few areas of concern.
J-e-t-s, Jets, Jets, Jets! B-r-e-t-t, Brett, Brett, Brett!
May all your wagers be winners!