Tired of NFL power rankings?  I’m beyond tired.  In fact, I’m so wide awake and perturbed about plain old NFL power rankings that I have created a weekly list that focuses on the ten weakest NFL teams.  The pitiful performance of these teams, if managed and manipulated properly, just might be profitable.

#23 – Houston Texans: Now don’t start stomping your cowboy boots and spitting tobacco at the computer monitor, Texans fans.  When multiple sports media organizations label you a sleeper team, the general public expects a better performance than a 38-17 loss.  The Texans welcome the surprising 1-0 Baltimore Ravens this week, and I fully expect Matt Schaub and company to bounce back and escape this list…hopefully for the rest of the season.

#24 – Miami Dolphins: Week one displayed the fire and leadership of new QB Chad Pennington, which should pay dividends as the season progresses.  This week, however, the Dolphins travel to Arizona.  I don’t want to upset The Tuna, but his team stands a very good chance of making this list next week.

#25 – Seattle Seahawks: The Seahawks played like a bird with both wings clipped, losing 34-10 to the upstart Buffalo Bills.  The porous offensive line allowed already hurting QB Matt Hasselbeck to be sacked five times, and the defense allowed the Bills to rush for 106 yards and throw for 232.  Seattle travels to San Francisco this weekend.  The line opened with the Seahawks as a -9.5 favorite, but that number has now fallen to -8, -7.5, or -7 at the majority of offshore books.

#26 – Detroit Lions: Picked by many sports pundits and prognosticators to compete for the NFC North title, the supposedly improved Lion defense allowed rookie QB Matt Ryan to go 9/13 for 161 yards and one touchdown, and Falcon RB Michael Turner to rush for 222 yards and two touchdowns.  With Green Bay headed to the motor city this weekend, the Lions are +3 dogs.  Win or lose, the over (45) should pay out once again.

#27 – Kansas City Chiefs: The loss of starting QB Brodie Coyle, coupled with a team full of rookies means plenty of struggle and strife this season.  But cheer up, Chiefs bettors, for this Sunday the Raiders come to town, your beloved team opened as the favorite, and the line has even risen to -3.5 in Vegas and -4 offshore!

#28 – Cleveland Browns: Like the Lions, the Browns have a talented offense capable of keeping them competitive against any opponent.  However, as evident versus the Cowboys, the defense has improved very little in the offseason.  The Cowboys held the ball for 37:29, rushed for 167 yards, and passed for a total of 320 yards.  The Browns host the Pittsburgh Steelers on Sunday night.  Something tells me Cleveland makes the powerless list next week as well.

#29 – Washington Redskins: The West Coast offense has arrived in Washington, D.C.!  So why the collective heckling and self induced vomiting?  As evident by the season opener versus the Giants, Jason Campbell and the rest of the offense are struggling to effectively apply the new approach.  The defense is equally deplorable, allowing the Giants to rush for 154 yards and pass for 200.  This Sunday, Washington welcomes New Orleans; the Redskins are a +1 underdog and the total is 42 at the present time.

#30 – St. Louis Rams: I imagine more than a few fantasy football aficionados picked up RB Stephen Jackson and/or QB Mark Bulger, feeling that certainly the offensive line woes were addressed in the offseason.  Not hardly.  Stephen Jackson rushed for a paltry 40 yards and Mark Bulger threw for a vanilla 154…and neither  Yet the defense appears to be an even greater issue: The Eagles held the ball for 35:10, made 28 first downs, amassed a total of 522 net yards, and scored 38 points. scored a touchdown.

#31 – Oakland Raiders: The Raiders are full of talent on both sides of the ball, but until the players understand the concept of “team” expect the losses to pile up.  Provided the Raiders can keep the score close, the rushing tandem of Fargas and McFadden is always a threat.  However, the secondary, which allowed 299 yards to Jay Cutler and the Broncos, must play better in a hurry if Oakland wants to make the pundits and prognosticators look even remotely wise.  Perhaps a visit to struggling Kansas City is the antidote.

[AND NOW, REPLACING THE USUAL DRUM ROLL IS THE SOUND OF A THOUSAND GARBAGE TRUCKS BACKING UP TO COLLECT REFUSE.]

#32 – Cincinnati Bengals: When the press spends more time reporting that your best wide receiver has legally changed his last name to Ocho Cinco, you know it is going to be a long, dreadful season.  The Bungles are simply a mess on both sides of the ball.  Versus the Ravens, the offense gained 154 net yards, while the defense allowed the suddenly capable Baltimore squad to amass a total of 358 total yards.  If you have seen the anti-smoking TV commercial where the middle aged African American performs his morning routine completely out of sync…that’s who the Cincinnati Bengals are right now.  The home opener is this Sunday against the Tennessee Titans.  The Bengals actually opened as a -2.5 favorite, but, not surprisingly, the number has fallen to -1.

Best of luck this weekend, everyone!  And remember, the poorest NFL teams may just make you rich.