Happy Sunday, ladies and degenerates! In just minutes my children arrive for a surprise visit; my ex-wife is getting married today, and is all but doctor-assured that she is pregnant. Truth is always stranger than fiction.

I can't call it a shotgun wedding, because, in all honesty, they were destined to be together. Although both children were baptized in the Catholic church, she's heavily Christian, and he's so heavily Christian he even listens to Christian heavy metal and Christian death metal...which, I guess should really be called Christian Lazarus metal. Both believe in consistent but fair child discipline. Neither of them drink or do drugs. Apart from an Oreo addiction, the stepfather is into health and fitness, which has made a visible difference on my ex. In other words, this cat is everything I never was or ever hope to be.

Observations at 1:40 p.m....

Thanks to Hakeem Nicks and Mercedes Lewis, the only thing preventing me from winning my ESPN fantasy football matchup (Chucktown Antiheroes) is if 1) Drew Brees gets injured in the first quarter, or 2) Drew Brees gets abducted by an alien football team with a quarterback worse than Casey Clausen.

The Lions appear poised to finally win a game, in large part due to the efforts of QB Shaun Hill.

The Chiefs defense has held the Colts to three field goals. (Please say it out loud as many times as it takes you to believe it.).

Will the Texans ever learn to play defense?

Will the Broncos ever learn to run the football?

Will my Dallas Cowboys win for me later today?

Take care, everyone! Feel free to share your whacky-but-true Sunday tale.