Teaser plays always leave me feeling like a dork, a nitwit, a nincompoop. I tease football games and then I feel like the last kid picked in a sandlot football game.

My perception is that teasing games isn't a macho betting move. Even though winning a football teaser is more profitable than the purse from a straight bet, you can't really brag to your friends.

A buddy can boast, "I won with Denver, straight up!" (+180 as I write this.)

But nobody shouts in celebration, "Guys, I just won a five team 7-point teaser!" Even your best friend is likely to respond by ordering you a victory glass of white zinfandel.

So why do I continue to play football teasers?

Because I'm sick of heavily handicapping a single game only to 1) Lose because the overpaid "professionals" forgot to show up for work on Sunday. 2) Lose because the overpaid "professionals" could not cover the point spread. 3) Lose (or push) because I refused to buy points.

My perception of the teaser will probably never change...and neither will my feelings about men who eat yogurt, prefer cats over dogs, and actually own and wear a Snuggie. (Damn this manly, patriarchal culture!)

And, really, what matters most as the sun sets and the last football is hiked, is profit. Sometimes, even in the macho world of Vegas and sports betting, it literally pays to be a pansy.

Four Team 7-Point Teaser
Bears -6 1/2
Texans +3
Dolphins +10 1/2
Cowboys -3

Best of luck, and may all your wagers be winners!