Tonight's ticket is a tuneful treat from the greatest living songwriter in the known universe, Bob Dylan. You see, unknown to most people, Bob is an avid sports fan...and regular gambler. Unreachable for months while touring, recording, and making mischief, I finally got him to answer his cell phone:
Bob: Hey.
KS: Bob! Bob! It's KingSerf.
Bob: (Over very, very loud heavy metal music.) King who? What country?
KS: Turn the music down, Bob!
Bob: (shouting) Down about
what, man? Just do like Jay-Z and "brush that dirt off your shoulder." Do you
copy, brother?
KS: The music, turn it down!!!
Bob: (The heavy metal music slowly fades as Bob locates the volume knob on the stereo and turns the music down until it is barely audible.) That better?
KS: Perfect.
Bob: Sorry, but I love the new Metallica album.
KS: Understood. Look, Bob, it's KingSerf. I've been struggling lately. Who you playing tonight?
Bob: I wish I was the
meat between a Scarlett Johansson/Kim Kardashian sandwich. But I'll probably wind up at the strip club later.
KS: No, Bob, your
card, your
ticket.
Sports betting.
Bob: (after a lengthy, hearty, heavily nasal laugh) Oh, man, sorry Serf. Let me make it up to you with an impromptu performance.
(There is a gentle knocking sound as Bob puts the cell phone down. He plucks at a few strings on his acoustic guitar and clears his throat.) Let's call this one "Bob's Book Bashing Boogie."
A hard rain's gonna fall in Foxboro,
while a swift wind blows southeast.
Under 42.5 for me, as the rushing game won't cease.
The Cavaliers are the heavy fave as the Nuggets come to town. But I like Denver at +6 to furrow King James' brow.
And my final play is a puck parlay, Penguins and Red Wings. As you feast on sports tonight, don't forget the buffalo wings.
(Harmonica Solo)
Bob: (a touch out of breath) What do you think?
KS: Well, it's not "Highway 61 Revisited" or "Tangled Up In Blue." But if you go 2-3, you might want to record the track for the next Bootleg series.
Bob: Good idea.
KS: Thanks again, Bob. I'm not worthy.
Bob: Get me that sandwich King, and you're true royalty
forever. (A long, deep nasal chuckle follows.)
KS: Very funny, Bob. Stay out of trouble.