Dear Mr. Federer,

Maybe I was fooled, hoodwinked, or hornswoggled by a deceptive combination of media adoration and the majesty of your raucous racket work, but fool or gambling degenerate I demand reparations should you lose to Nadal today.

I understand that a refund (whole or partial) on my wager would create a terrible precedent by which others could then easily pursue their losses.

So I propose that you either send me one of your nifty sweaters or autograph a few tennis balls.  Then I can sell the item(s) on eBay...or at my next garage sale.

And don't even try to weasel out of this by sending me an "autographed" picture, or, worse yet, a Gillette Fusion Power razor.  Everyone knows that athletes, celebrities, and politicians keep oodles of worthless photocopied autographed pictures for fan club members.  As for the razor, I already own one.  And every time I use it I wish I would have just bought disposables.

If you should win the match, bringing instant elation to the network, sports media, and gamblers everywhere, then forget I ever wrote this letter.  No need to go legal on me, since I'm sure you get crazier mail all the time.

Now go play your balls off!

Sincerely,

KingSerf

P.S. Say hello to Tiger.