A year ago, I was, to quote Mr. Happy Kane, a "five star general" around these parts. Of course, those stars were all red. This year, not so much, as the inexorable march toward five-black ignominy continues.
The hail mary touchdown in the AFA/SDSU game almost made me consider gambling and drinking less. I fought those urges, though, and return for more back-door pain.
Anyway, 3-6 last week brings it to 14-17-1 on this crappy year.
This week:
Arkansas +1 vs. Texas A&M - handicapping is relatively easy when all you have to do is pick the better team getting points.
Ohio +3 (hook) at Bowling Green - see above, although this one is one the road, or as "on the road" as it gets playing in that pasture BGSU calls home.
Florida Atlantic -3 vs. Wyoming - Cowboys are worse on the road than Robert E. Lee; nice 7,000 foot drop to sea level won't help; who in the hell scheduled this game?
Washington +14 (hook) at Notre Dame - Irish are missing more weapons than the Republican Guard; I heart Jake Locker.
Northwestern +7.5 at Purdue - so you go from a prime-time, nationally televised heartbreaker in a packed stadium against your most hated rival to a noon kick against the Mildcats in front of 25,000 empty seats; let's just say I'm not sure the Boilers come out firing all the pistons.
California +5 vs. Southern California - Trojans will have the same problems they had in Seattle, only this time against a better team; Bears didn't play last week, so they should be well rested; if Riley doesn't piss the game away, Bears should send the Angelinos home with their second Pac-9 loss.
Tulsa -16 at Rice - I played this at -14, and was a little surprised they didn't just credit my account when I hit "confirm wager;" Rice couldn't stop Vanderbilt, whose offense is pretty much stopped in perpetuity.
Buffalo +8 vs. Central Michigan - I played this at +10, and it must have struck me as a good idea at the time.
Southern Methodist +28 at Texas Christian - I spin a lot potential scores in my head for this one, and very few of them involve the Frogs winning by 29; any one of 1,467 female students at this game would be the hottest girl at Buffalo or Bowling Green.
Syracuse +7 (hook) vs. South Florida - most Syracuse students' granparents live in South Florida, so the visiting Bulls won't seem so threatening.
Auburn +3 (hook) at Tennessee - what's not to love about Auburn? Tigers defense doesn't always pay attention, but I'm not sure that matters against the UT offense.
Memphis +7 at Central Florida - I still have a few pennies that Memphis hasn't flushed down the toilet yet; Tigers are due for a good performance, and an on-campus shooting.
Other Games of Interest:
Louisville +6.5 vs. Pittsburgh - the inaugural Who's the Worst Coach in College Football? Bowl
Colorado State -3.5 at Idaho - at the 3-1, the Fighting Tater Tots should have the Kibbie Dome rocking.
Kansas State +3 vs. Iowa State - eek; at least they'll be heavy drinking in the Arrowhead parking lot.
EMU +6 vs. Temple - Homecoming at Ypsilanti always has special meaning for the many EMU alums recently released from halfways houses and rehab programs.