blank_pageThe Games the Gov’s
Play! Let’s watch the tape!
The Korean War was not technically a ‘war’ because the
USA referred to it as a ‘police
action’, more like a scrimmage than a real game. Alrighty, then. It and the
USSR had put in place the
governments for North and South Korea soon after World War II
ended. The U.S. did
not install a ‘democracy’ in South Korea because it knew the
Communists would win any election it held. Apparently the fix wasn't in
yet.
As soon as the two superpowers pulled up stakes the communist North
began making aggressive inroads into the South. The Soviet Union resisted
however giving the North coach, Kim Il-Sung, clearance for a full-fledged attack
as not to upset America, but not for long.
It
was called the ‘reunification’ of Korea. Realistically it was invade
and conquer because we want your space. Call it a merger or hostile takeover in
business terms.The Soviet
Union received gold and silver for weapons from the North. Yes, it
was a profit deal.
"Now let's see what our
little team can do!"
The North Koreans had victory in their grasp when the
Americans and other U.N. teams showed up in a bad mood. This was now going to be
more like a jamboree! Yee Haw!General Douglas MacArthur, a 5-star
guy, and his veteran team ran the Run and Shoot offense and turned the tide and
ran the North All-Stars all the way to China, so close in fact it rubbed China
the wrong way. China turned
around and almost ran the U.S. and the others out of Korea.
“Who are these guys?”
The Chinese team moved swiftly by night covering
hundreds of miles in just several days each to be where least expected. They
were swift of foot and locked and loaded. Their Olympic team is pretty good
too.
They had an in-house team policy that every soldier must stop in his
tracks upon hearing any airplane flying overhead. Those who didn't were shot
dead where they stood. They were a different kind of cat.
In desperation
Tug-of-War Doug (5 Stars) came to the sidelines and demanded the All-Americans
Nuke CHINA, thereby wanting the same play America's Coach, Dirty Harry,
had dialed up on its last gasp play that had ended World War II. He wanted to
throw the “bomb.”
No one knew America
had it in its playbook back then but now the All-American team didn't know
exactly who else had it in their playbook. Besides, nobody likes being
called a 'dirty player'.
The play callers in the press box were
astonished by this show of panic by their Pro Bowl quarterback. Dirty
Harry benched 5-Star Doug for insubordination, who apparently suffering from
acute Pattonitis left screaming like Mortimer in ‘Trading Places’, "Turn the
scoreboard back on!".
The Americans next drive bounced the Chinese
team back to midfield and the game ended tied with the field position a yard or
so better for the South. America had ‘won’ on penetrations.
Yeaaaaah!
Apparently the Chinese had seen all they needed to see from
their 1st team and were just running out the clock. Mission Accomplished.
'Sonny boy' in North
Korea is still a little hot under the collar
about it. In Seoul the population of 1.5 million was
suddenly reduced to 200,000.
An estimated 400,000 Americans died by some
counts which was apparently in line with 'police action' and 'scrimmage'
protocols.
Hundreds of South Korean citizens, including women and
children, were indiscriminately killed by the Americans. Sometimes you just
don't know who to trust. Thousands of 'political' prisoners were executed by
Koreans on both sides. Either way they were on the wrong side.
It would
appear this was a failed policy and a failed game plan. Sound
familiar?There's still no word whether the ACLU or Anti-Defamation
League were there but it is an affirmative the chaplains were. Surely these
institutions have watched a few episodes of "Mash" by now to verify this. In
this world everyone needs their "champion".
The good news is South
Korean kids are number 1 in the world in math and science. Yes, America, they
give China all the credit for pulling back and despise us and their government
for reintroducing USA beef (Mad Cow fears) into their country. So it goes.
.
In Southeast Asia the Vietnam War is simply known as the American
War. Everyone loved a good soap opera in those days as the world twisted. The
USA lost less than 100,000 (only
'skirmish' standards, thank you) of its countrymen in this one, average age of
22.8 years, and failed miserably.
Sure it 'won' after bombing
the living daylights out of as many civilian men, women and children as it could
shake a propeller at and then high-tailed it never to return. The identical
ensuing result of field position occurred a couple of years later as if
America had never played the game
when South Vietnam got swamped.
Howard Cosell could not have been proud.
No mas. Muhammad Ali took the night off. Canada and the UK, among many others,
also took the night off and have clear consciences and full rosters.
There were over 2 million civilian men, women
and kids who died while America was fighting the Vietnamese
from the North and the Viet Cong guerrillas in the South. In most quarters that
would be called tragic. So what caused it?
It began when now-president Dwight David
(5-Star guy with lots of experience) became concerned about the dreaded Domino
Effect. He became paranoid that if Vietnam became an All-Communist team all of Asia
could fall, then Hawaii, and it could even spread and become a
devastating West Coast offense.
The decision was made to cut them off at
the pass before they invaded American shores. Not to worry Dwight but
it's too late now.
Ho Chi Minh's new regime in North
Vietnam sent a million or so Vietnamese fleeing
to the South, most of whom were of the Catholic faith. 2 million more were
intercepted and asked to stay at gunpoint. At the same time thousands from the
South were heading North to establish their game plan while stashing provisions
behind in secure places for their return. Sly little backwoodsmen they
were.
The leader of the South, Ngo Dinh Diem, a devout Roman Catholic
himself, launched unprovoked murderous attacks on many Buddhists in his country
claiming of course they were harboring Communists. A majority of the Vietnamese
happened to be Buddhists.
Next Ngo arrested, tortured
and murdered anyone suspected of being Communist. Where did he get
that idea? He called all in opposition to these murders ‘traitors’ or
'Viet Cong' in Vietnamese lingo. Ngo was hand-picked by the USA
to run things. Nice game plan guys.
Despite the negative publicity North
Vietnamese citizens were still flooding into South Vietnam to
escape their regime. Well HERE'S a recipe for disaster. These poor rice
farmers didn't know which way to turn. When election time
came around down south Ngo and his kid brother rigged it and won by 98%.
The Americans had firmly told Ngo not to win by more than 70% yet Dwight
David (5 Stars) and the U.S.
gave him a big parade in New York
City afterward. It was almost as if he'd won the World
Series.
Some leaders in the North pressed for 'unification' of the two
teams as North
Korea's brass had done previously. It was so
heartwarming of a gesture. Would it be a merger or a hostile takeover?
You got it.
So this contest begins with the North
sending their Special Teams unit of All-Communist Southerners across the field
to initiate terrorist activities on the other team's sideline dressed in the
same uniforms.
It would be seen as dissension and mutiny among those on
the Southern team, not knowing the perpetrators had Northern ties with
back-stabbing tendencies. “This Coach is just killing
us.”
Apparently Ngo’s murders of innocent civilians in his
own country whetted the North’s appetite. “Hey, We can do that!”
Four
hundred government officials were assassinated and then school teachers and
health workers were targeted. They were all presumably unarmed. The North then
authorized its team of merry men to begin attacks on the Southern military, as
it were.
The government hot shots of the
South had just about had it with both America and its puppet Ngo
because they couldn't protect themselves from 'themselves'. They wanted him
gone and them gone and the civil unrest would then just go away.
JFK moved in rather unwillingly after establishing the Peace
Corps and sent aid to what he termed "a brush fire". It would look bad if
Communism spread to another country. It was time to flex some muscle and remind
the world exactly who the USA
was, particularly with the Bay of Pigs and Korean
debacles.
Assistant head coach Lyndon visited
South Vietnam to offer moral
support and annointed Ngo the "Winston Churchill of Asia". Pardon? Was he a heavy drinker?
More American aid and advisers were sent to scout out the situation. The
guerrillas’ 'insurgency' was winning like Caribbean pirates on a cargo ship. Eventually Ngo and his
little brother had to be fired so with the CIA's blessing they were overthrown
and executed on November 2, 1963 by their assistant coaches. This became known
as the advent of Extreme Sports outside America.
Members of the
victorious coup were invited up to the American embassy suites for a fine
celebration and to discuss their rankings in the pecking order. Straws were
drawn to see who would walk the sidelines and wear the headphones
first.
Team America Coach
John was visibly shocked when he heard about the coup. He died a couple of weeks
later himself but not before assisting the party of escaped prisoner Saddam
Hussein’s rise to prominence in Iraq. Saddam, then just an offensive
coordinator, and his boss both hated the All-Communists too. Doing so was very
popular.
John had earlier warned America in an impassioned speech that
powerful secret operatives within and abroad were intent on turning the United
States into something She wasn't. It bothered him but unfortunately the fact
that he wasn't a player must have bothered them much more. Where have all the
young men gone?
Anyway, no ensuing head coach could remain in power in
South
Vietnam. General after general entered and was
exited. Things were in a state of flux and it was time for America
to redirect. One of America's ships cruised up the North
Vietnamese coast and shot at a few submarines. It got shot back at a couple days
later. The problem is neither event actually happened but they could
have!! So Americans got the shaft and the government declared Skirmish. "Did you
hear what they called your mama?"
We can hear Barbarino now. "Who? Wha'?
Bombing a few North
Vietnam cities should take care of it they
thought; a slick move they figured would go on the highlight reel but didn't. So
3500 Marines, America's own highly regarded
All-World Guerrilla team, swelled to 200,000. They were sent in to play defense.
They'd never played defense and didn't know the definition of the
word.
Girls once played half-court 3 on 3 in basketball games and they
weren't allowed to cross mid-court with the ball because their stamina
was perceived as less than sufficient. What fun for the 6 on defense! So this is
what the Marines were reduced to. Camouflage strait jackets were in high
demand.
Korea had been 'won' (tied) by
offense but that was now "Old School." Americans would turn to a more astute
modern strategy. They would earn the will and respect of the people. But
soon the South Vietnamese soldiers were dying, getting hurt and quitting all
around them. No mas.The coaches met on the sidelines
and decided to open up the offense. It was now the Americans' ball game to win
because everyone else had shed their uniforms. “Where’d all the cheerleaders
go?”
The marching band was still playing however. Lyndon and
his press secretaries reported everything was coming up roses yet in reality the
offense could never pin anything down and was in constant peril. First downs
were hard to come by. They were as elusive as modern-day
politicians.
The venerable Walter C. reported 40 American
casualties and 3,300 enemy casualties one day on the CBS evening news.
America began to keep score and
breathe easier. “That's a great ratio! We Are Damned Good! We
Are America!”
Unfortunately being
inside Guerrilla Nation as they were, out of suspicion alone many innocent
civilians wearing no Communist uniforms had to be gunned down, hand-grenaded and
napalmed. It was not the place to be looking at somebody wrong. And not quite
the scoreboard Americans thought.
Had Lyndon been in a post game
interview where cameras had caught every angle of the action, he may have owned
up to the American public as former NFL Head Coach Jim Mora did at times: "Well,
what happened was, we got our ‘butts’ kicked. In the first half, we just got our
‘butt’ totally kicked.” “We couldn’t do diddley poo
offensively, we couldn’t make a first down, we couldn’t run the ball, we didn’t
try to run the ball, and we couldn’t complete a pass. We ‘stunk’. The second
half, we ‘stunk’. We couldn't stop the run. Every time they got the ball they
went down and got points. Coaching did a horrible job. The players did a
horrible job."
Surviving Team America
players went home after only one year of service and the Newbie Wide-Eyed Rookie
draft choices arrived. Some accounts have the average age of all the
fighting men in Vietnam at particular times at only
19 years of age. As college coaches will remind you, it's hard to win with
freshmen.
Training was at a bare minimum.
More kids were then needed because the balance sheet of warm bodies wasn’t
stacking up. The rosters were dwindling and the turnstiles needed tweaking. The
draft became larger and larger. Americans began booing their coaches.
Surprise attacks on 100 cities by the North and Viet Cong on the
traditional day of Truce, the holiday of Tet, the Lunar New Year, sent shock
waves through the Defense. It hadn’t prepared for that play.
The All-Communists weren't playing fair yet no penalty
flags were thrown. “Somebody blow a whistle! Didn’t you see that Ref? Are
you watching the same game I am?” Suddenly the coaches wanted more
players for the running game as they knew the long ball was still not an option.
Request denied.
Team America sent its Captains to midfield
to talk to the Referees and the North’s Captains. Team America
now wanted to call it a draw. The North players and coaches could be seen
rolling over laughing on their sidelines.
Richard Nixon (zero
stars) got word to both squads over the headphones to hold off until after his
coronation. He said he'd get them a sweetheart deal. How he got into the press
box nobody knows. It probably had something to do with John's little brother
getting gunned down. Imagine that. More bodies fell in the interim.
The
Trickster was also a deceiving little devil. He went to the Spread Offense. He
saw himself as having a genius-like offensive mind. It wasn’t even ‘bright.’ He
bombed Cambodia for harboring Vietnamese.
Cambodia was a neutral country
sitting in the stands barely watching the game.
Protesters of this attack at Kent State were shot dead. They weren’t even
at the game. Richard shrugged and sided with the gunmen. “You did all you
could do.”
He had done well in
Cambodia with little recoil
so feeling pretty good about himself he entered Laos,
another neutral country. It was no contest and classic Run Forrest Run. ‘You got
a poor scouting report on that one, Chief.'A few American
officers were even killed where they stood by their own men. It was presumed
either morale was slipping away or some planes had flown over.
The
troops were brought home for Christmas but not those bombers. Sniper droppings
on Hanoi's
civilians over the Christmas holidays (touché) forced the two sides back to the
middle of the field. As in Korea the playing field looked just as it had before
the whole thing started. A peace treaty was signed. “We
told you we wanted a draw.”
Once again the Passing Game
had come through with the decisive play. One could only surmise the
Vietnamese had not yet learned how to fly overseas.
Unlike in
Korea, the pesky Viet Cong Team
wasn't finished but only rested which led to new murderous assaults in the
South. They just continued to bend the rules. Richard (Negative 5 Stars)
got caught worrying too much about his next election and was out. Yes, yes,
you’re not a crook. Those are the least of your worries, hoss.
Gerald came in with his hands up, a penchant for falling down and
nailing people on the golf course and a white flag.
Soon the Congress
was slashing support for the war left and right. It was fun while it
lasted but now political careers were on the line. It wasn’t
their fault they had a runaway horse for a president.
They claimed they had insisted Team America
not schedule another All-Communist Team. Of course, of course.
The North then took a little yardage back with
little resistance and seeing neither hide nor hair of any forthcoming
reinforcements then went the distance in a heartbeat. It was hard for them to
even keep a straight face.
However it must be remembered
America posted a 'Win' for the
skirmish and another W was added to its overall record. Hands Up Gerald just
didn't want to play overtime and certainly not a doubleheader. America's reputation for its
hard-nosed style of play was still firmly intact. It was still a legend. Then it
was off to the driving range.
So in no time it was Prime Time big-time
for the North Vietnamese. Rope a Dope had worked to perfection.
"White Christmas" was played over the loudspeakers of
Saigon by the All-Communists. What a sense of
humor this team had. Bulletin board material said it was 'now or never' time to
surrender, flee or die. 2 million civilians left the country, half of whom
perished at sea. Boat People.
The united nations, who had
administered the peace treaty, shrugged it off by saying, “What are you gonna
do?” It must have been smooth out of Agent Orange.
America's General Maxwell (Smart guy)
summed it up best: "Until we know the enemy and know our allies and know
ourselves, we'd better keep out of this kind of dirty business. It's very
dangerous." Yes, just filthy.
This is the kind of
Armchair Quarterbacking that was needed from the get-go. Apparently the
USA didn't have any game film on
these particular outfits either. Truly, how many of us would
voluntarily wade into black, waste-deep swamp water, at night, alone, to bag a
crocodile? That would be termed in America as, “Cruel and unusual
punishment", right?
Admittedly the closest millions of us have been to a
war emotionally was not in any stinkin' football game like they love to refer to
it as but in watching the opening scene of "Saving Private Ryan."
The
courage of all our fighting men and women is just extraordinary. The judgement
and strategies of the 'leaders' are not, particularly when it comes to "dirty"
business.
Americans
should take pause, in retrospect, to again give thanks to coaches Dirty Harry,
Dwight David (5 Stars), John Fitzgerald, Lyndon Baynes, 'Hands Up' Gerald, and
finally the true inventor of the Spread Offense himself, Richard the
Sniperhearted (negative 5 Stars), for saving Hawaii and the West Coast
from the All-Communist Teams out of Southeast Asia. Hats off to you again, sirs.
Lyndon always said we would thank him later.
In which one
did we fight for OUR country?
blank_pageIn 1972
Saddam, now
assistant head coach for the Iraqi Team, decided to take over
international oil interests. In 1973 an oil crisis hit (yes, hard to believe).
Iraq used the windfall to create new
social programs and provide free educations for all their citizens up to the
highest level. Wait! Wasn't America rich at one time too? Iraq
provided financial support for the families of the enlisted, free
hospitalization to everyone and modernized public health. Infrastructure
was bursting at the seams.
Peasants weren't peasants anymore!!!
The top guy, very successful but in declining health, then unfortunately
made a deal with Syria for "unification" (merger) that would have left now
'General' Saddam out in the cold, figuratively. Apparently Syria
already had its coaching staff set.
So Saddam forced the guy's
resignation (veiled threats anyone?), called a big meeting, read off a bunch of
names he said were turncoats, had them arrested, tried (they were all found
guilty), and many executed. Are we clear now? John, bless your heart! All in the
name of anti-communism!!? Sometimes we just don't know how to pick our enemies.
But who would have concerned themselves back then with who the Assistant Head
Coach was like we do now? Right?
Had there been no Saddam, what road
would history have followed? One small man; one giant misfortune.
Saddam
envisioned an Arabian world led by Iraq (him). He was the stud who
represented the Arabic world against the Camp David Accords between
Israel and Egypt.
But
Iraq had its own internal
guerrillas, the Kurds, and the Iraqis had to slip over into a border town or two
of Iran's and drop a few bombs.
Iran was not amused but after much
huffing and puffing, it really didn't care.
So then the Shah of Iran
gets caught off-guard by Ayatollah and Shi'ite Islamics spread like fire balls.
Saddam begins to regret a consolation he'd made earlier to the Shah. The Shah
had agreed to good tidings with Saddam and in turn wanted Ayatollah escorted out
of Iraq. Saddam agreed as long as the
Shah of Iran would refer to him as the Saddam of Iraq.
Ayatollah, who had earlier been cut from Iran’s team, had spent years in
Iraq catapulting himself with
the Shi'ites after being let go by Iran. Saddam acquiesced to the Shah
since he never liked Ayatollah anyway and told Ayatollah to pack his bags. He
and the Shah both took a bath on the deal.Ayatollah moved back to Iran.
Who knew?
Saddam and his new tormentor soon started sparring over some
water that borders the countries. You get thirsty over there. Saddam claimed ‘no
blood, no foul’ and pledged peace with his neighbor. He offered an olive branch
with a big smile and a wink.
Then of course he attacked with the
bolstering of many super powers cheering him on and took a big lead and
proclaimed himself King of the Arab World and Lord over Iran's Shi'ite
revolutionaries. They were certainly the best of times. Still there were no parades in
New York City.
America had learned from
Vietnam that ‘it ain’t over till it’s
over’. But it was still a very proud Papa. “Ronnie, I think you’ve bought
yourself a real winner here, boy. Nobody’s ever lost a 32 point half-time
lead before.”
Before you could even say ‘Houston Oilers’
the early chest-pounding eventually turned into tail-tucking. Iran
showed some poise and team pride, sucked it up, tied it up and itself took the
lead. The schoolyard bully had been hit flush in the mouth.
Saddam
wanted a way out sans the white flag. He asked a good friend what to do. He told
him to resign until everything got smoothed out. Those were his last words.
After all, Saddam had chemical weapons he'd prepared from ingredients
sent from West
Germany. They’d worked on his people.
You never know the connections these guys have. But Saddam went busted after the
Iranians blew up his oil tanks and had to start borrowing money left and right.
Nobody liked the Shi'ites so they reluctantly raised the salary cap and gave it
to him. The war ended in a tie with both countries sprawled out on the field
gasping.
The Saddam of Iraq was 75 billion short when the final whistle
blew. The bookies and loan sharks had his phone ringing off the wall. 'This is
My Time' Ronnie, taking time out from escapades in Granada, Central America,
Libya and Lebanon, had airmailed him some 40 billion on credit to play Iran.
“They never shoulda’ taken hostages!” The U.S.
sent much more previously to keep him from holding hands with the Russians.
What!!?
Since his was a game played for all the Arabic
brethren who disliked the Iranian team, or so he claimed, Saddam felt his debts
should be forgiven, particularly the 30 billion owed to Kuwait.
Kuwait said sorry, Charlie, we don’t
play that game. He also wanted to make a quick buck and encouraged higher oil prices
as if there were a new season about to start. Again Kuwait
turned its nose up. It felt it was already at fair market value. Little
Kuwait sits on 10% of the
world's oil, matching Iraq's, so what's it to them what
this Iraqi wants?
Saddam showed them. He attacked with the presumed
blessing of the USA who Saddam believed adored him
regardless of his antics. Not so fast there hound dog; there was a little
thought put into this one. You must have misread the signals from the sidelines
ol’ buddy. Number 1, You didn't whip Iran. Number 2, You didn't whip
Iran. See ya bro’. Be out of town by
sundown.
In the cover story now-prez George the Long Gone but Not
Forgotten said, "What is at stake is more than one small country, it is a
big idea, a New World Order, where diverse nations are drawn
together in common cause to achieve the universal aspirations of mankind: peace
and security, freedom, and the rule of law." Christianity was never
mentioned, nor that little word, 'democracy'. Straight from the horse's mouth.
Georgie, that IS a big idea!
Arabs were none too pleased with the
Americans' interventions regardless of how they felt about either Saddam or
Ayatollah. ‘There’s the new Sheriff in town. Hmppf! Here those cocky
Americans go again’. The Arabic World should know by now it's nothing personal;
it's what they do . Little did they know.
So
the oil producing countries, the Mothers of all Mothers and they know it, now
have decided to hit Americans where it hurts. Ouch. After all, Saddam is 6-feet
under and cannot profit from it. What timing! But why is gas still a buck
eighty-nine on the islands? Stop it, that hurts.
And we in the USA may
have noticed that the Sons of all Sons are right in bed with them. They need the
extra cash for exploration and finding cleaner energy. On most ledgers
that would cut into the bottom line. What fine bookkeepers they must
have.
The 'moral' decision by Long Gone George to attack Saddam was not
necessarily based on who liked whom. Giving credit where credit is due,
Kuwait is not a big fan of
Israel but the Americans overrode
that factor. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
However their Rubix Cube strategy was applied Saddam was the odd man
out. Once cheered and now jeered is not a comfortable state of being. No more
Mr. Big Stuff.
So being the strong humanitarian that he was, he next touched
base on the 'Big No-No', weapons of mass destruction, and massacred some more
countrymen and lieutenants in his spare time. Rumor has it he even tried to
eliminate George the long gone.
Now the USA
really wanted him gone but it would take awhile. This area holds a little
more prominence than did South Vietnam and most of America's
coup candidates kept turning up in the morgue.
"Daddy, how much of that
Texas Tea did you say them boys got?"
If only someone would just slam
into a couple of buildings….wait, 15 Saudis handled that and the USA still
snuggles up to THEM? Well of COURSE, it's America and we're STILL really
thirsty!! Okay, George the Not for Long, 'addicted'. Don't you love
it?
Timothy McVeigh, a former United States Army veteran who was executed
for killing 168 people in an Oklahoma City bombing, was born and raised in New
York. Pennsylvania was spared.
In retrospect things were so good
in Iraq that it was a
Dubai in the
making. What golf courses it could have had. Imagine! Halliburton agreed. They
office now in Dubai. Is life GOOD or what!!?
War, poor counsel and one
man's ambition have a way of changing destiny's direction…Hint, Hint.
Later at
wits end and when he thought it may have benefited him politically, he claimed
himself "Muslim." Sorry Saddam, there is no back door.
He
has gone to meet his Maker now.
Billions of dollars and thousands of
lives to match the accomplishment of a single rope!
One can only imagine the
look on his face upon arrival.