A ten year old child by the name of Calvin was spotted in downtown Vancouver looking to buy tickets for tonight's game. "Oh look dad", points Calvin, "there are scalpers over there. Should we try get tickets?". "Sure Cal, go introduce yourself"
CALVIN: Hi, how much are you selling tickets for tonight's game for?
SCALPER: $170 per person, but why bother? they are going to lose tonight.
CALVIN: Oh Ok, thanks.
POD: WILD ML -115
The Blues will have a tall task ahead of them as they fly into Tampa Bay , but let's break down this matchup. Ben Bishop was spotted at a local St. Petersburg fondue event yesterday tasting different variations of chocolate with different variations of fruit ( guava being the last seen). Though I do not think this will disrupt his preparation routine, I feel that his focus is not 100% on his opponent seeing from which he could have had fondue any other day of the week. Blues looked very good out east lately. St. Louis Captain David Backes also seemed very confident when asked if the team was prepared to win in a non hockey environment .
"Yes" replied Backes when asked if he was ready for his upcoming game.
When Bishop was asked the same question, he replied "it's going to be a challenge for sure" (with chocolate sauce dripping violently down his chin)
A lot of people are putting on their green hats and violently riding the Boston Celtics today as if St. Patrick's Day was pushed two months early just because the Warriors only won by three points last night. I guess the Celtics have found the pot of gold at the end of the desert's rainbow and are ready to put a winning streak together.
In Bean Town, every corporate guido has put on his stone washed khakis and headed out to watch this game. They are waving the big green flag as Evan Turner hits his 7th Half courter by the midway mark for the first quarter. Harvard Freshman Connor McConnor decides to skip his last Business Law class to prepare for the festivities of tonight's game, but it does not go well as he trips over one of the statues on campus and sprains his ankle .
"That's retaaaaded!" he exclaims as he makes an obscene gesture at an art student walking by.
Meanwhile in Salt Lake City, they are feeling the aftermath of the barebacking going on in their neighboring state of Nevada. Tumbleweeds roll into the state of Utah carrying debris of headboard remains and aloe vera binded lavender candles and sex toys.
"What's this daddy?" says 8 year old Joseph
"It's um...it's bad!" answer's his father as he adjusts his suspenders and puts down his REPENT OR PERISH sign.
Salt Lake overflows and eleven Mormon children have gone missing because they were at church during the only available swimming lesson offerings, but nobody cares because everybody is cashing in on the Celtics +7.5 tonight and all of the Crabcakes are on the house.
PLAY: Utah -7.5
A lot of people are violently hammering the Dallas Mavericks as they hold their heads high like they are on top of a mountain after that overtime win in Sac Town. Oh wait... they are! As their plane lands in raggedy Denver.
Dirk Nowitzki spends half the day exploring the Denver Airport examining murals and trying to find the underground tunnels when Officer Smith reminds him to report to the Pepsi Center. Meanwhile, another action junkie gets caught in an Avalanche near Aspen and tumbles right into the Grand Hyatt in downtown Denver where P. Diddy is in a room with an escort named Cinnamon. Peyton Manning is seen sitting at a dive bar by himself and nobody has requested for an autograph in the last seventeen hours (he also held an autograph session outside of Sports Authority Field for children under the age of 23).
Just a few states away, chaos ensues as three thousand and seventy seven Texans make their way to the strip to take their frustration out on the Sportsbook after the Cowboys loss. They proceed to put their life savings on the Dallas Mavericks, and Treasure Island proceeds to offer free steak at their buffets. Fakooki is now working as a buffet cook, and becomes very agitated at the amount of visitors during the game. He proceeds to shut down early and gets dismissed on the spot.
Although the Cowboys fans are deeply saddened by the loss, they no longer care as they now have their grandchildren going to college off that Mavericks win.
A lot of people are violently hammering the Montreal Canadiens and singing "Ole Ole Ole Ole" as soccer fans perk up to see what is happening in the streets. I guess the Blue Jackets spent their last four days applying coconut butter on themselves to prepare for the barebacking tonight in front of their own fans just the same way they lost the last two games huh?
Brandon Dubinsky forgot it was game day, as he along with one million other Columbians are still wearing Buckeyes gear and violently waving that flag outside of the Arena. Nationwide was not on Peyton's side this past weekend, and they won't be on the Jacket's side tonight as they have already sponsored P.K. Subban if he can score two hattricks tonight (which he does with ease).
Meanwhile, in Montreal everybody is adding the Habs to their prolines before engaging in the 2015 snowball fight on St. Catherine Street. 8 year old Sylvie gets her scarf stuck on an icicle on a nearby building and sobs miserably (in French) as it was knitted by her grandmother during the last Canadiens Stanley Cup run. The city violently roars as they watch the big screen placed outside of the Bell Centre, as Pierre points yells "Regardez, C'est une joueur de hockey terribles!" as they show Sergei Bobrovsky shaking his head in despair on the bench, but no one cares cause the entire nation is making down payments on new dog sleds following the cash out on the Habs ml
Take the Jackets ml