A lot of peeps are violently pounding the Montreal Canadiens today from their pond hockey rinks as they are still two stepping and singing "Au Claire De la Lune" (on skates) after defeating the big bad Bruins . I guess snowmen will ornament the shores of the St. Lawrence river as the Habs continue to take slapshots at Patrick Roys head while securing their 8 goal lead on those Raggedy Avalanche huh?
Meanwhile in Colorado, another avalanche rolls through Aurora and into downtown Denver where a skier finds himself crashing into the Hyatt that Bambi is staying at while in a suite with Peyton Manning snap chatting selfies of the two of them. A boulder rolls through Boulder, Colorado injuring fourteen cavemen and destroying Fakooki's newly renovated reindeer gyro stand. Nobody cares though because ever stranger male is violently throwing snowballs at every person in a Roy jersey in Montreal after the Habs dominate once again huh.
If the pied piper serenades enough blind children into the thick of the woods, he is bound to get paid what he is due at some point.
Pathers/Sabres OVER 5 -130
A lot people are militantly hammering the Arizona Coyotes. Did I just read that right? I guess those raggedy Jets are going to mirror the New York Jets and violently wave that Jets flag while getting pricked by multiple cacti upon entering Glendale tonight huh? Ok guy.
Winnipeg players exit the aircraft in their eskimo suits and immediately suffer from heat strokes as the Arizona sun pounds intensely down on their Lynx fur coats and sweat starts to form and triangulate near the lower back regions of their wool undershirts.
Meanwhile back home in Winnipeg, residents are seen fleeing from their teepees and jumping into Lake Winnipeg causing tidal waves across canola farm fields and drowning 216,734 gophers (unofficial death toll). The scene is the complete opposite in the Phoenix area, as hot cheerleaders begin stripping after every Martin Hanzal wrist shot (which turn out to be 5 for 5) in front of the 37 Coyotes fans in attendance.
Vegas has sent every high quality escort to participate in the Headboard Banging Fundraiser at the Bellagio, while nobody donates more than $2 to the cause. The buffets continue to be free for the second night in a row at every hotel, as tourists are seen sneaking cheesecake slices into their bags and purses.
"Miss Laqueefa Johnson, can you please return those desserts to the counter or we will have to remove your booking accommodation with Treasure Island and relocate you to somewhere on Fremont street!" commands office Donald Brown, who has contacted by head chef Phandi Haquoon upon theft detection.
Coyotes continue to roam Nevada and force their teeth into children as they board the bus for the Grand Canyon Tours, but nobody does anything about it because their parents are throwing their Arizona moneyline tickets in the air (like they don't particularly care).
A lot people are violently pounding the Los Angeles Kings like headboards at the Mirage on free escort and reach around appreciation night. I guess everyone from Miley Cyrus to Robert Downey Junior are violently waving those championship towels at the Staple Center while the banner is being raised in the rafters.
Irv Gotti himself takes a business class flight into Los Angeles to embrace the opportunity to wave his personal Irv Gotti limited edition towel for the Kings as well. George Lopez is spotted behind the Sharks bench also cheering until he is mistaken by a confused Kings fan as Head Coach Todd McLellan of the San Jose Sharks (which he very quickly denies). Every club in Beverly Hills has the game on TV and disco balls shatter from the violent roar as Anze Kopitar scores a hattrick in the season opener off a dump and chase which ricochets through Antii Niemi's five hole, while the scoreboard reads 7-0 Kings after the first period.
In the Bay area, little Hector gets bitten by a shark while building a sand castle on the Fort Mason park coast after being told repeatedly to stay at least 47 feet away from the water. He is now being isolated in treatment on Alcatraz for precautionary reasons. Sharks fans are seen jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge, while Officer Smith is spotted on duty making sure that suicide committing patrons are doing so in a single file manner to avoid disorganization and traffic distraction.
George Lopez stands up and flaunts his Kings moneyline ticket and is immediately struck on his left eyebrow by an inaccurate Joe Pavelski one timer, but no one cares because the entire city is putting down payments on exclusive beach side properties with the Kings victory tonight.
A lot of people are pounding the Angels because Vegas has decided that the best team in the league is only worth -130 against the raggedy Mariners and their number five pitcher.
I guess Vegas officials are going to helplessly sit by the Bellagio fountains (which are out of order), and watch Laqueefa and Sharice obnoxiously barge their way through the line at the Hyde Lounge to tell the bouncer that they are on the VIP list for Brenda's stag. Upon entry, they immediately help themselves to one of the Texas Mickeys of Grey Goose. Brenda is having another baby but who cares? The three of them have a drunken and mildly heated conversation comparing the new grills that they just bought.
Sharice gets a little defensive and hostile when told that she has the mannerisms of Chamillionaire when wearing her grills.
"girl, you the one that be lookin like Lil Jon with dem Motherf-" she exclaims (with her voice being raised in an accelerated manner) but is cut off by a bouncer telling her to lower her voice and act in a more civil manner.
Meanwhile in Seattle, the Space Needle loses a few screws and falls and tumbles into the Puget Sound causing a few Piers to be evacuated. At the Pike Place, Marshawn Lynch is spotted engaging in some very unusual ritual involving a bag of skittles, a dead salmon, and four industrial sized bottles of Aloe Vera lotion. Nobody questions him, as they are more concerned about why the Mariners are down 25 runs in the fourth inning.
In Anaheim, a group of children in Mike Trout Player Ts are wildly roaming Knotts Berry Farm and decide to cut the line at the Sierra Sidewinder. Unfortunately, 9 year old Marlon is struck by a Trout home run ball (ironically) as he is midway down the track on the roller coaster. It is all caught on video and Marlon has a concussion, but his parents have decided to worry about their sons well being after the game as they violently wave whatever flag they can get their hands on while watching their Angels bet ticket cash in with ease.