After crying herself to sleep after last night's National Anthem performance, Shawarma has regrouped and made a rational decision that she is no longer pursuing a singing career. The decision was not made without careful consideration though, as a few things were assessed. First off, American Idol is in the final season, and she will no longer have an outlet to gain exposure. Second, the administration of therapy for vocalists training and enhancement is charging an extra fee for Hyena sounding tendencies..which will result in a $273.59 additional fee per singing lesson.
She gathers her belongings and decides that University is a better option, therefore she takes part in an orientation at the Southern Methodist University. Shawarma may be ugly, but she certainly has the grades to attend Post Secondary. Upon orientation, the first assignment is to show loyalty to the methodist religion and bring an object of sacrifice to the orientation class. With the excess goat meat left over from the lack of purchases at Fakooki's gyro stand at Turner Field last night, Shawarma decides to sacrifice an entire goat. The goat, which was a life long family pet named Bibby, had been suffering from dementia and partial blindness..and accidentally walked in front of Ludacris' cadillac while he was going 90 on the freeway. While Ludacris still claims that the elderly goat was at fault in this collision, he humbly apologized following the incident and offered the family three roosters as a gesture of his condolence. As she presented the sacrifice to the professor, the prospecting students gazed in horror as she unraveled the Braves towel covering the animal.
"Da hell?" says Bombquisha as she looks back and forth between the dead goat and the dirty pink braids from 2004 that she has selected as her own sacrificial offering (Bombquisha has been attempting to enroll at the University for quite some time and has finally achieved high enough grades after six 12 exam attempts).
Meanwhile, Fakooki tries his luck at Globe Life but nobody seems very interested in the chipotle goat tacos nor his baja goat platters. He becomes very frustrated and throws a gyro into the park. A fan reaches for it and nearly falls from the upper level, but Mark Cuban pulls him back. He is later hit in the forehead by a Prince Fielder Homerun.
As Fakooki fires up the grill and loads another 8 oz goat sirloin, there is a smile on his face as he hears that his 16 year old daughter Shawarma will be singing the national anthem at Turner Field tonight. Before the game however, Shawarma decides to take a Martin Luther King Historic Tour to further educate herself. Shawarma may be ugly, but she has a thirst for knowledge...so that itself is somewhat admirable.
As the tour begins, it turns out that Laqueefa also had plans to attend the Braves game tonight. However, she purchased the wrong tickets, and has also found herself on the tour.
TOUR GUIDE: um so yea...here we are, and um...Martin Luther King was a ....Martin Luther King Junior...was a great man. He did um...a lot of good for the um..nation....and the movement of you know...rights...Civil Rights. Sorry, yeah Civil movement...and um...rights
The visitors are listening in a very focused manner thinking that this was a great experience, when all of a sudden Laqueefa yells "What da hell is dis bullshit?! Where ma man big papi at?"
"I'm I- I- m sorry, but Martin is now um..no longer with us" says the Tour guide.
"Listen, I don't give a damn about no Martin the Martian crap, y'all better show me where the diamond is or some hell gon be raised up in this joint ya dig?" says Laqueefa in frustration.
"How can you not care? the man had a dream?" says one of the fellow tour takers.
"and you gon have a nightmare real soon if you don't shut yo mouth...and hell it ain't gon be pretty. There gon be demons, tigers, and purple sprites in yo nightmare and yo ass gon be sleeping wit two eyes open tonight boy" suggests Laqueefa who is clearly becoming very infuriated.
Meanwhile right befor opening pitch, there is a glow on Shawarma's face as she prepares to sing the National Anthem. Upon conclusion, Senior MLB analyst Buster Olney sends out a tweet describing her debut performance as a voice resembling a mix between a dehydrated Hyena and Fergie on valium. He receives 11,237 retweets on it.
Laqueefa has booked time off to travel to the San Francisco for the first time in her life, and decides to take J Rock's two children with her. She is highly disappointed to find that there are no watermelons growing in the Bay area, contrary to what she learned back in elementary school.
"Da hell?" she mutters as she walks along the embarcadero toward near the Fisherman's Wharf as she plans to rent bicycles to ride across the Golden Gate to Sausolito. Unfortunately, she takes the wrong turn and the three of them end up riding through the windy area of Lombard Street, and Laqueefa's ankles get caught in one of her wheels and she tumbles down the hill. J Rock's children being to simultaneously spray her with their super soakers, and she is absolutely furious as she tries to run after them.
Coincidentally, Hector and his mother are also vacationing in the area, as Hector's father has just been convicted of lawnmower theft, and sentenced to seven months in prison..therefore they decided to escape all the drama. J Rock spots Hector riding his customized lowrider bicycle, and pushes him into Fakooki's gyro stand at the bottom of the street.
"you want to push on me?!!" Fakooki yells with anger as an entire stack of baja goat tacos fall off the cart and chipotle cilantro, hot sauce, and mayonnaise is splashed all over Hector's face making him look like a mentally challenged version of Rey Mysterio with a painted on mask. "Ohh noooo mi hectorino! Dey are going to tink dath u are a vato like papa and attackth mi hectorino!" yell's Hector's mom as she is once again on high alert for the eleventh time this week.
Dodgers/Giants UNDER 8 +105 GL guys
It is the eve of 2016 in Las Vegas. Everyone is waving their Eiffel Tower daiquiris. The eyes of children are lit up with excitement as Lopita, an intern Cirque du Soleil dancer from El Paso, does cartwheels on a beam with precision while fireworks of various colors erupt behind the stage. The youthful glow on her face reflects on the streams of the nearby fountains (which do not belong to the Bellagio, as they are still inactive), and a mother giggles with joy as many beautiful colors emerge and the countdown draws near. "Isn't this beautiful?" says a 46 year old father breathtakingly, who is staring into the distance as three female strippers prance about gracefully along the boulevard with nothing but Ed Hardy thongs on.
Meanwhile at the Staine residence at the trailer park, Cheyenne has taken out the guitar and attempted a Miranda Lambert song that she has been practicing for seventy eight days. Unfortunately she did not take singing lessons, and this results in her sounding like a dying raccoon that just got it's leg crushed by a mud truck. BJ is disgusted by his wife's singing, and heads over to his other stepsister's trailer just two minutes before 2016 unfolds.
Fakooki sits at his gyro stand all night. needless to say, no one stops by for the countdown.
Hector and his family are kicking off the New Year with a pinata. Hector's cousin Julio takes a swing with the bat, and somehow Hector coincidentally ducks just in time for Julio to miss his head and break open the pinata. However, an iguana comes out of the pinata and bites Hector in the forehead.
" Ohh nooo mi Hectorino! " yells his mother "De New Year wasth suppoth to bring usth good luck!"
Ciaopang and his seventeen siblings are at home studying algebra and eating lynx dumplings as the countdown draws near. Ciaopang proceeds to turn on the television only to be poked in the eye by mommy Pang Pang and reminded that Chinese New Year is still over a month away.
Meanwhile in Houston, everybody is under the idea that the Golden State Warriors will be grabbing their ankles in a more determined manner than the escorts in Vegas tonight. James Harden hits so many three pointers that rockets begin to involuntarily launch in an uncontrolled manner at the undetermined launch pads just west of the Houston area, and the NASA headquarters are in panic mode. Laqueefa is spotted at a Houston nightclub with J-rock after the game, ready to celebrate the New Year. Both are smiling with anticipation of spending 2016 together after patching up some rough bumps in their relationship. They stare into each other's eyes with passion and their emotions are mutually genuine. 5....4...3...2...1... J-Rock closes his eyes and proceeds his head toward's Laqueefa's face...0... but he gets nothing but a mouthful of magenta Donna Bella hair extensions. J-Rock opens his eyes immediately, and sees Steph Curry adjusting his knee brace under his Canali dress pants as he leans in for the midnight kiss with the robust 34 year old African American beauty.
Warriors +2.5 good luck and Happy New Years!
My name as you all know is Fakooki, and I can honestly say life has been much easier ever since moving to New York. When me and Phandi Haquoon had a falling out, I took the time to learn English. Right now, I am very fluent in it. Two months ago, I hardly knew twenty English words. However, ever since I have been able to excogigate the equanimity of my personal nature, I have become unencumbered from the obstacles of my limited vocabulary and therefore have been able to fulfill my thirst for knowledge. I have been able to mold my communication in a perspicacious manner, and this has allowed me to transform into a sesquipedalian who is magnanimous, rumunerative, and superabundant to opportunities as opposed to my saxicolous previous self.
I sit outside of Barclays Center today in my infamous goat fusion cuisine stand, and a customer reports that he found goat hair in his Chipotle Ground Goat over lettuce mega burrito. I kindly offer him a homemade goat infused baklava (which costs 37 cents on the menu) as a generous compensation, and he responds very rudely. I do not take to this kindly, and immediately start to cuss him out.
"Why you talk me dis way?! you go away and no come back to me you hear! Me no like what you try do!" I yell in frustration.
Nonetheless, I continue to save money by not hiring a goat hair removal specialist. It only cuts into my profits.
Islanders moneyline -135 GL guys