Posted Wednesday, December 17, 2014 07:39 PM
Posted Monday, December 15, 2014 07:27 PM
Alot of peeps are violently pounding the Toronto Raptors tonight while Drake dances at the top of the CN Tower. So I guess Vegas is just going to demolish New York New York as a mock simulation of the destruction of the city while the Kyle Lowry continues to drain treys like a dishwasher of a special needs cafeteria on Chocolate Milk Wednesdays en route to a seventy point Raptors win.
Meanwhile, in Brooklyn kids are looting Brownsville while the Hudson River submerges the yellow Subway line tunnels. "BK to the fullest!" yells little Dasean, as another monster gets washed up further down the island by Montauk (This one looking more like a cross between a raptor with down syndrome and a rhinoceros with softer skin).
Fakooki moves back to Philly just by coincidence, as he realizes that his Philly Cheese Goat business has done better than his Gyro business in terms of overall revenue. Laqueefa is strolling through Saks on fifth picking out a new bracelet after placing her bet on Toronto. " Dem Canadians and they ice game now takin over da streetz in hoops, they doin us dirrrtyyyy" she yells as she tries on a 24 Karat gold bracelet and Missy Elliot begins to play loudly on the store speakers.
Drake's "Fancy" performance can be heard from the other side of Lake Ontario, but nobody cares because they are violently fist pumping while Tweeting screenshots of their Raptors -12.5 ticket attached to a hashtag saying #WetheNorth, while watching the game on the big screen.
Posted Wednesday, December 10, 2014 02:34 AM
A lot of people are violently hammering the Saints tonight like it's Mardi Gras and topless women will be doing the Harlem Shake all over Bourbon Street today. I guess Jay Cutler is going to tell his O-Line to stay on the sidelines and play survivor as thirty seven bounties are offered to the Saints defense ranging from powerbomb to pedigree bonuses.
Fakooki prepares ingredients as he is responsible for the deep dish stand at Soldier Field, but to his surprised the Cabrini Green projects have been funded and supplied with the necessities to kidnap him before he gets to the field, therefore he is serving Goat pepperoni pizza to the Hardball team instead.
Lake Michigan rises and submerges the loop as Oprah is seen struggling in a flotation device while Steve Wilkos attempts to rescue civilians and direct them to the United Center for refuge.
Meanwhile in Vegas, the free escorts have accommodated guests at the Mirage and complimentary Tiesto tickets are being handed out at check-in while Vegas bends over and allows the world to bet on New Orleans. J-rock's kids continue to piss on the inactive Bellagio fountains, but no one cares because everybody is violently waving their Saints tickets above their heads while Lil Wayne performs at the Dome in a Brees jersey
Posted Monday, December 08, 2014 06:14 PM
A lot of peeps are violently hammering the under in in the Wings/Leafs game after the last three meetings saw no more than five goals in each. I guess Joe Louis arena will also be holding a red rover game at center ice of which no player with the puck will be able to break through. Children under the age of 23 are permitted to attend the red rover event through a small donation in a fundraiser attempt to raise awareness on headboard technology, due to the fact that Vegas hotel beds have been dismantling beyond epic proportions from all of the free escort activity being offered on this under bet.
Leafs fans make their way across the border in a militant manner as half of their raggedy Canada flags fall into Lake St.Clair. The population of Detroit is doubled and the lights begin to shut off at the arena while Eminem performs "Lose yourself" at the first intermission.
Meanwhile Laqueefa sits at Fakooki's Waffle Shack with Sharice as they compare their 5:59 am selfies from sunrise.
Fakooki: ooo thiiz picture very good!
Laqueefa: Why you keep putting goat meat in dem waffles?
Fakooki: come I takes de picture of both you 2geda.
But no one cares because everyone is violently cashing in on the under and throwing their hands in the air yelling "313!"
Posted Wednesday, November 12, 2014 07:48 PM
A lot of people are violently hammering the St. Louis Blues as they host the raggedy Panthers today. I guess just like the Blues, Vegas will be letting their escorts hit the high notes all night as the free escort vouchers and pamphlets are being handed out like samples of Pumpkin Space Latte at Starbucks during the Fall.
Another Carnival Cruise crashes into a penthouse in the Key West, while Hector gets bitten by a shark again on South Beach. Flo Rida is having a concert nearby only to have a palm tree branch fly his way and shatter his Gucci shades causing him to go blind in the right eye while Pittbull continues to mutter incoherent gibberish in both English and/or Spanish.
Meanwhile, in St. Louis and surrounding areas, everything has come to a halt including the Ferguson riots. Everyone has stopped what they are doing and St. Mary's Parrish choir members are violently waving their recorders in the air and singing "Oh when the saints come marching in" knowing that their ticket is safe as David Backes scores his fourth goal of the game and Jay Bouwmeester is shining laser pointers at Roberto Luongo from the upper bowl.
Officer Smith: Mr. Bouwmeester, please refrain from using unpermitted devices at the arena or we will have to ask you to leave.
J-Bo: But I bet on my team today
Officer Smith: So did I, and I do like free escorts. Carry on sir.
Laqueefa takes a stroll through the streets of Ferguson only to see Fakooki holding down his gyro stand with a Blues Jersey on.
" I don't know much bout dem figure skaters in dem ice rinks, but it sure is putting food on the table...and to think there weren't no santa claus," she exclaims as she flaunts her blues ml ticket right next to her Platinum Grills extended warranty form.
A lot of people are hammering the Bruins to the point that violence would be a description of understatement.
I got a text from Cinnamon from Hooters.. She is on the Tempurpedic 3300 in some Trump Tower Suite and she says that she envisions the infrastructure on the Vegas Strip collapsing into the rain tunnels from all of the lack of maintenance due to insufficient funds.
She also mentioned in a phone call that somewhere at a Legal Seafood's Restaurant in Boston, the owner has put his entire business on today's Bruins moneyline. She didn't tell me which particular one it was. she also said it to me in a Boston accent, I don't know why.
Apparently she was also skyping with Bambi from Gallagher's 2000 and she mentioned her vision that the CN Tower had collapsed into Lake Ontario causing a waters to rise and submerge the Air Canada Center with the exception of the Bruins bench and the Leafs net.
She also sent me four snapchat selfies with inappropriate captions, and put three of them up on instagram with fourteen hashtags each, but that's none of your business really.