Summer has arrived and millions of beautiful women are soaking up the sun at beaches and parks. These beauties are out frolicking along sidewalks and taking aimless walks in skimpy dresses and heavy makeup.

It’s a wonderful time of year for the average man to enjoy the scenery, but gamblers and sports freaks are far from average.
 
We don’t care if it’s a bright sunny day. If we have action on an afternoon game, we grab the extension cord and put the TV on the back deck - the only chance we have of seeing a woman is if the pizza delivery driver happens to be a female.
 
So as a tribute to all my boys who are sacrificing the panoramic views of summer for the love of the game, I offer you the hottest women of Canadian sports broadcasting.
 
I have chosen 12 of what I believe to be the finest women in the industry and will be facing them off against each other over the next week or two, and with your help we will crown one of these anchors the queen.
 
So starting with these two lovely ladies please answer me one simple question...WHO IS THE BETTER MOUTHPIECE?

Check out the other first-round matchups: Hedger vs. Paquette, Gaillard vs. Beirness, and Orlesky vs. Diakun.

Round 1 matchup: Evanka Osmak vs. Natasha Staniszewski

Evanka "Seabiscuit" Osmak
 
Born in New Jersey, USA
Sept 20, 1980
 
Evanka is a permanent fixture for Sportsnet Connected on a daily basis..I'm not sure if its her sleepy eye or the robotic smile, but there is something here that doesn't pass the smell test.
 
She is a big fan of synchronized swimming, field hockey and Ultimate Frisbee, so I can only assume she only likes to have a man around to take out the garbage.

She delivers the sporting news with authority and pride. In one sitting, I heard her refer to Janick Hanson and Cody Hogson of the Vancouver Canucks as Jason and Cory. Just like Ron Burgundy, she will read anything they put on that teleprompter.

Stay classy Evanka!

Natasha "Red Sonya" Staniszewski
 
Born in Edmonton, Canada
August 26, 1981
 
When the mileage on your car gets high, the hunt is on for something younger and fresher. Wives and female sportscasters are no exception to that rule.

The top brass at TSN know that we are all sick and tired of Holly "Fire Hydrant Head" Horton and Katherine "Hotel Head" Dolan, and that's why they have delivered this crown jewel..
 
She was a high school star basketball player and a won a provincial volleyball championship before heading to university to hone her skills in front of the camera.
 
Blessed with the eyes of an Olsen Twin and the height of a super model, she reminds me of an exotic European porn star. When Natasha is breaking the bad news to me about last night scores, I find a way to throw the ashtray at the wall, not the screen.

So, who advances to the next round: Osmak or Staniszewski?

Is it ok to blast other chicks when your wife’s vagina is on the disabled list?

 

I’m not talking about when you’re on the road or when she’s out of town: that’s a completely different animal. That’s a matter of proximity. Her vagina is still in working order - it’s simply not in the area code.

 

What I’m talking about is those few months after childbirth, or if it’s out of commission for a few days for some type of annual oil change.

 

You’re still present for all aspects of the relationship on a daily basis. The only difference is she suddenly and temporarily shares the anatomy of a Barbie doll or a Lego woman.

 

Would it be so absurd for her to slide us a $100 dollar bill, kiss us on the cheek, and tell us to go down to the rub and tug for an hour?

 

Well apparently it is. And in the world of brothels and escorts Tiger Woods is clearly the tenant, not the landlord.

 

Stevie Williams was fired yesterday by Tiger after 13 years of loyal service to his master.

 

Tiger has been on the disabled list due to physical, emotional and public injuries, but Stevie Williams has hooked the bag of Adam Scott for the last three events.

 

The first time your wife cheats on you it’s easy for a guy to let it slide. We can simply say to ourselves: "Now we’re even for the 1990s."

 

The second time she cheats, we can rationalize it as:."OK, I deserved that after what I did with your sister in Cancun."

 

But after the third time, there is absolutely no way to overlook it.

 

Stevie has made his fortune off Tiger. He never has to work again. This man has a family and businesses he could be keeping busy with. He doesn’t need to be gallivanting around the fairways with a young stud like Adam Scott.

 

Stevie disrespected Tiger by holding the hand of another lover in public while his primary caregiver was on the disabled list and he deserves his fate.

Summer has arrived and millions of beautiful women are soaking up the sun at beaches and parks. These beauties are out frolicking along sidewalks and taking aimless walks in skimpy dresses and heavy makeup.

It’s a wonderful time of year for the average man to enjoy the scenery, but gamblers and sports freaks are far from average.
 
We don’t care if it’s a bright sunny day. If we have action on an afternoon game, we grab the extension cord and put the TV on the back deck - the only chance we have of seeing a woman is if the pizza delivery driver happens to be a female.
 
So as a tribute to all my boys who are sacrificing the panoramic views of summer for the love of the game, I offer you the hottest women of Canadian sports broadcasting.
 
I have chosen 12 of what I believe to be the finest women in the industry and will be facing them off against each other over the next week or two, and with your help we will crown one of these anchors the queen.
 
So starting with these two lovely ladies please answer me one simple question...WHO IS THE BETTER MOUTHPIECE?

Check out the other first-round matchups: Hedger vs. Paquette and Gaillard vs. Beirness

Round 1 matchup: Sara Orlesky vs. Laura Diakun

Sara "The Meat Gazer" Orlesky

Birth year: 1980
Born: Winnipeg, Manitoba

Sara is a consummate professional who has the type of innocent beauty that can attract stalkers of all shapes, sizes and sanity levels. Her beautiful blonde hair and model-like facial features remind me of a shorter version of Howard Stern's wife, Beth Ostrosky.
 
She started at TSN in 2008 and specialized in CFL coverage. She is a permanent fixture in the locker room after the games, performing her postgame wrap-ups. Needless to say, Sara has had her fair share of "any given Sunday" moments while waiting outside the showers with her microphone.

But with a body like hers, she is obviously no stranger to male genitalia.

Laura "Sputnik" Diakun

Birthdate: Unknown. Upper 20s?
Born: Toronto, Ontario

Laura is an ambitious up-and-comer who has worked at The Score network since 2004. Her stunning sex appeal is enough to stop even the chronic channel surfer dead his tracks.  
 
Although she may look like a brainwashed Russian mail order bride, don't let her emotionless, cold, blank stare fool you. She is a fountain of sports knowledge.

When she's not in front of the camera we can find her behind the microphone. She has been blessed with a sultry voice that would make any phone sex operator green with envy, which she uses to host an all-female sports show on satellite radio.

So, who advances to the next round: Orlesky or Diakun?

The DG continues his sexiest Canadian sportscaster bracket this week with a matchup between one of the OGs of Canadian female anchors and the new kid on the block.

Martine vs. Beirness


Martine Gaillard

Martine "the kitchen queen" Gaillard is 40 years old and is a prairie girl, born in Melfort, Saskatchewan.
 
She began her career as an anchor on the Weather Network, but due to her great looks and dirty blond hair the temperature wasn’t the only thing rising when I tuned in for a long range forecast.
 
A lust for sports and her Vanna White beauty enabled her to take the Score Network’s virginity when she became the first female broadcaster in their history before moving over to Sportsnet for a better paycheck.
 
She is currently married to Ed Richardson, the head contractor on ‘W’ Network's Love It or List It and spends most of her time with him pursuing her passion for cooking. Unfortunately she clearly has a passion for consuming those creations.

Let’s just say the camera adds 20 pounds in Martine’s case as of late.

Kate Beirness

Kate "the baroness" Beirness is 27 years old and was born in Port Perry, Ontario.
 
She was a superstar high school basketball player, but any hope of competing on the CIS level was dashed when she devastated her ACL during a game of naked twister after the prom.  
 
Kate has rebounded from that terrible tragedy and focused on reporting sports instead of playing them. Her long, flowing locks and low end Lieghton Meester characteristics captivate me every time she’s on the Desk.

When the news gets delivered from Kate’s cute joker-like mouth, my thoughts quickly turn impure. Luckily, I can always depend on a commercial break to snap me out of my deviant thoughts.

Even though she is a little pale and has an annoying voice, her superior grasp of sports and overall sex appeal make her a star. Plus she can juggle. That’s impressive.

Liked this? See how the showdown went last week between Jennifer Hedger and Renee Paquette.

Summer has arrived and millions of beautiful women are soaking up the sun at beaches and parks. These beauties are out frolicking along sidewalks and taking aimless walks in skimpy dresses and heavy makeup.

It’s a wonderful time of year for the average man to enjoy the scenery, but gamblers and sports freaks are far from average.
 
We don’t care if it’s a bright sunny day. If we have action on an afternoon game, we grab the extension cord and put the TV on the back deck - the only chance we have of seeing a woman is if the pizza delivery driver happens to be a female.
 
So as a tribute to all my boys who are sacrificing the panoramic views of summer for the love of the game, I offer you the hottest women of Canadian sports broadcasting.
 
I have chosen 8 of what I believe to be the finest women in the industry and will be facing them off against each other over the next couple of weeks, and with your help we will crown one of these anchors the queen.
 
So starting with these two lovely ladies please answer me one simple question...WHO IS THE BETTER MOUTHPIECE?

Round 1 matchup

Jennifer Hedger vs. Renee Paquette

Hedger:

Jennifer Hedger - or Genderfur - as she affectionately referred to in the transsexual community, hails from London, Ontario.
 
But don't let her towering height of 5-foot-11 and her masculine features fool you - she is all woman.
 
She has been romantically linked to former captain of the Canadian national soccer team, Jason DeVos, and later married fellow sports anchor Sean McCormick.
 
Although she is a natural athlete who dominated in volleyball and basketball, it was a game of girl-on-girl tonsil hockey that put the Hedgehog on the map during an episode of the highly bogus Canadian reality show, The Lofters.


Like a true professional, she excels when the camera is on and has been a mainstay on TSN since 2002.

Paquette:

Renee "the natural blonde" Paquette is 26 years old and was born in Toronto.
 
She has been working on The Score since September of 2009 and has carved out a niche on that network hypnotizing random men on the street with her sexy frame long enough to ask them a series of lame trivia questions.
 
Thanks to her Elisha Cuthbert "girl next door" looks, she would be the perfect type of woman I would like to date for an hour.
 
Although she spends most evenings pillow biting, she ironically rose to local fame after a YouTube clip went viral of her dominating a 6-foot-3 amazon woman with a sack of feathers during a match in her pillow fighting league.


She is a feisty personality with a killer body - unfortunately I’m unsure of her talent as a broadcaster because every time I see her on The Score I hit the mute button and grab the hand lotion.

Who ya got?